This is one of my clients who worked with me during the You, On Fire program. She talks about how she was consumed with body and food thoughts and had been on and off diets for nearly 3 decades. She shares how she learned to accept her body and how that’s unlocked so many great things in her life.

You, On Fire is the online group coaching program that gives you a step-by-step way of building up self-worth beyond your jean size with personalized coaching from me and lifetime access to the program—so you can break out of the diet culture cage, get free from body shame and live your fiery, free, untamed life.

Go here to get all the details and get on the waitlist for the upcoming cycle>>

Laura:
I felt like waking up from a dream as well. Like, once like you realize like the kind of lies that we’ve been fed and the horror of it all and the untrue it’s even those days when you know, it’s so tempting to kind of believe that the latest you know, I don’t know, just you know, quitting gluten will solve all my problems it’s like, it’s like you just cannot go back.

Summer:
This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image, self worth, anti dieting, and intersectional feminism. I am your host summer Innanen is a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence and the best selling author of body image remix. If you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This episode of eat the rules is brought to you by you on fire you on fire is the online group coaching program that I run that gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your appearance, with personalized coaching for me incredible community support and lifetime access to the program so that you can get free from body shame and live life on your own terms. Get details on what’s included and sign up for the next cycle at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d love to have you in that group. This is episode 296. And I’m sharing Laura’s story, who was one of the incredible women who worked with me during the yuan FIRE program. She talks about how she was consumed with body and food thoughts and had been on and off diets for nearly three decades. And she also shares how she learned to accept her body and how that’s unlocked so many great things in her life. You can find the links mentioned at summer innanen.com forward slash 296.

I want to give a shout out to DRO just sand who left this review when I think of all the time I’ve spent listening to negative self talk and feeling bad about myself. Changing the narrative seems overwhelming. Eat the rules leads by example. This podcast gives me insight into how I got here and how to battle against unrealistic body standards. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I appreciate it. More than you realize you can leave a review by going to Apple podcasts search for eat the rules and click ratings and reviews and click to leave a review or give it a rating. You can also when you’re on Spotify now you can like leave a question or a comment under the episode. That’s cool. It’s cool for me to see that when people do that too. So feel free to do that. If you’re a Spotify listener, and subscribe to the show via whatever platform you’re using. Don’t forget to grab the free 10 Day body confidence makeover at summer innanen.com forward slash freebies with 10 steps to take right now to feel better in your body. And if you’re a professional who works with people who may also have body image struggles, get the body image coaching roadmap for professionals at summer innanen.com forward slash roadmap.

I’m really excited to share Laura’s story today. I know it’s been probably about three or four months since I shared some of the stories of people who have worked with me and I love sharing these because I know that you can relate to them. They really show you that no matter your background or age or size, it’s possible to feel more neutral in your body and not be so stressed about your reflection or the size of your pants. I think that a lot of times maybe people listening to this podcast Are you know they they like the idea of body acceptance, but they feel like they just can’t accept their body or they’re afraid that they’re going to gain weight if they do or that something bad is going to happen that they’re going to fail. There’s a lot of fears that can come up because we don’t have a blueprint for what that’s going to look like for us. All we really have a blueprint as of is like how our life will be better if we lose weight because that’s all we’re fed by our culture. And so I love to do these episodes because I want to be that counter voice. I want to give you that blueprint. I want you to open your mind to this idea that you can have a lot more mental space and fully experienced life when you’re not spending all that time and energy Hating Your Body and fixating on food and everything else. And that’s the work I love to do with people.

I was realizing I’m like, Oh my God, I’ve been doing this program. I think I launched you on fire in 2015. It was a different name than but in 2015 It’s almost been it’s been over nine years. And someone in the group posted recently. They’re like this is my seven year old anniversary since I joined you on fire and did this work, and it’s just so cool to hear from people like years down the road who are still so grateful that they’re on this path and that they made this decision and, and to see how their life has changed as a result of this work. And so I love sharing these stories. And if you’re interested in working with me, and you want to do the group program you on fire, I would say now is the time, let’s do this, you on fire is my group program where you get personalized coaching for me. So there’s online content that you work through on your own. And then there’s bi weekly group coaching calls where you get personalized coaching from me. And it’s really designed to help you detach your sense of self worth, from how you look, help you to build confidence help you to know that you’re good enough, regardless of how you look, help you to turn down the criticizing voice in your head and cultivate a voice of self compassion help you to be more comfortable in your body, be okay with photos, be okay wearing a bathing suit to the beach, and really just care a lot less about what other people think of you, and stop comparing yourself so much to others. And it’s amazing what can happen in you know, three or six months and how far you can get in that short period of time. And so without further ado, I want to introduce you to Laura and her story had the absolute pleasure of working with her and I’m so grateful she took the time to be on the show today. If you want to learn more about you on fire, go to summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. And if you want to hear more inspiring stories like these, I’ve got so many episodes like this episode 286 287 to 12 176 134 164, and many more. There’s an entire YouTube channel dedicated to these episodes. You can find all of those in the show notes for this episode. So check that out if you want to get inspired and just see what this work is all about.

Hi, Laura, welcome to the show. Hi, Salma. Thank you so much for being here. I’m really excited for our conversation today. Can you tell everyone just a little bit about who you are?

Laura:
Yes. So I’m 38 and I live in a seaside town in England called Bournemouth, which is very peaceful, very kind of very much an old person, if I can say that they retirement town. And I work as a violinist but I’m actually had an injury. So I’m transitioning at the moment to qualify and counseling skills and hopefully take summers body coach certification program.

Summer:
Amazing. I love that. That’s so great. And I love retirement oriented towns. There was a couple near here and I have a really good friend that lives in London. It’s like I love and like I definitely live there too, because I go to bed so early.

Laura:
Enough the vibe here. It’s just like super chill. Yeah, exactly.

Summer:
Exactly. It’s a good energy. So what were your what were some of the frustrations that you had with your body before we started working together?

Laura:
I think I remember I think I remember telling you we first started working together I felt like roundabout 80 to 90% of my thoughts were just totally like, like obsessed. My thoughts were consumed with what I looked like my body was eating. I mean, that had been going on from the age of I’d say 13. And I mean, long history of being in a binge diet cycle. trying every single diet under the sun spending hundreds on gym memberships magazines with these kind of like miracle diets just being incredibly unhappy. And it was young, a lot of anxiety. Yeah.

Summer:
So what happened that made you want to make a change out of curiosity? Because like it, you know, I think your story is is so similar to many others when you’ve been stuck in that cycle for decades. It’s hard to kind of even think about accepting your body. So was there anything that happened that made you decide to, to want to make a change to kind of get off of that cycle?

Laura:
Yeah, so just over two years ago, I went into rehab, and they put me on a kind of antidepressant when I was there, which cause had a side effect of weight gain. And even though the weight gain like wasn’t an enormous amount, like I don’t want to use figures here, but I was still in probably what you’d call a straight size body. It was it was a noticeable amount for me and for someone who was very concerned with their body and, you know, keeping it as it was if not trying to make it smaller. It just felt like I was suddenly in like I didn’t recognize myself. It felt drastic, and I knew that like other people didn’t it was this weird thing where other I knew that other people didn’t see me as, as I saw myself they didn’t notice that change so much but for me it was massive and I just couldn’t find any piece of my body it was now like I was so uncomfortable in my body. And I felt so at odds with it. But I knew that dive didn’t work. So I was like really caught in this difficult place of like, not being able to accept my body. But knowing that I couldn’t really change it or going down that route would just lead to chaos. And so I knew that I had to really now try and accept it. And I also thought that was impossible. And then also my partner and I wanted to try for a baby. And that was, I think, a final push for me, because I knew that like, my body would change if I had a baby. And I also knew that I desperately didn’t want to pass any of this on to my tribe, I wanted to sort this out, or start to heal from it, you know, start to learn a new way of living.

Summer:
Yeah, that’s a really good, that’s always a good motivator for people. But you know, it still takes a lot of courage. And you mentioned that it felt almost like impossible, like the idea of accepting your body felt impossible. So like, was that kind of a fear that you had before going through this process? Or did you have any fears about that?

Laura:
Do you know what I kind of did, I was kind of a bit like, well, what’s the point in exists, if I have to accept this, like this shell that I’ve been given for this lifetime, just like, I don’t want to have to accept this. But then as well, like, I’d got to the point where like, you know, in my late 30s, and it was just year after year after year of just constantly striving to be smaller, and it hadn’t worked. So it’s just exhausted, I got to the point where it’s like, fed up.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah, that makes that makes perfect sense. And I think that’s often what happens, like people who come into the program is that they just get to a point where they’re like, I just can’t do this anymore. And in your case, you know, it’s like, almost three decades. And that’s like, that’s like a lot of your life. And but it still takes a lot of courage, I think, as well, what were some of the things like elements of the program, or things that really helped you along the way.

Laura:
So many I found was really difficult to like, I found it really difficult to think about what has helped me like to narrow it down, because everything helped me, but things that like, I turned to regularly still, like reframing health for myself. So now like I revisit that sometimes, but mostly in my just in my head. But you know, health for me is about friendships, it’s about laughter. It’s about getting enough sleep. It’s about getting fresh air. It’s about so many things. Whereas before, it was literally like how many calories to burn.

Summer:
I love that, though. That’s such a good perspective.

Laura:
Yeah, yeah, I think it is so nuanced. And also like learning to speak to myself with the voice of compassion. So like several times a day, or sometimes just close my eyes and picture myself as that future, what we call the program, the untamed self. And just speak to myself with compassion and remind myself that I am so loved, I am just completely as I was intended to be, I do not need to change a thing. I do not need to prove myself, learning to put my hands on my tummy, I think which for me, is my body part that I probably have the most discomfort with. And I don’t have any reaction when I put my hands on my tummy anymore. If anything, I just feel like Oh, hello, you know, it’s my lovely tummy. It’s me, you know, it’s just neutral. It’s there. Yeah, and also learning about my values. I think rediscovering my values and it’s almost like a rediscovered my younger self through the program. So the child like just before all those body issues started to come up before I started to watch Friends and like get obsessed with Jennifer Aniston number on me. Yeah. Like, you know, and I started, I realized, like, oh my gosh, I care so much about the environment that’s so important to me. And animal rights. Yeah, it was incredible. That was really really like a game changer for me.

Summer:
Amazing. That’s awesome. Those are all such an important thing. And I’m so glad that they made an impact on you. So what are some of the specific changes that you’ve noticed? Like as it relates to you know, the thoughts that you have or your relationship with your body overall?

Laura:
Like I don’t wear makeup every day? If I do maybe it’s just a bit of mascara or something? Not that there’s anything bad with you know, wearing makeup sometimes I do wear more makeup but like I’m not afraid to go to work without makeup. It just doesn’t bother me. I don’t care. I don’t care if people don’t find me attractive, which is something I never thought I’d say but if someone was to say like no she pretty I wouldn’t like want to like flush myself down the toilet. Which reaction in the past? Yeah, to die. Yeah, I just kind of were uncomfortable with. And then also, I also always thought I’d have to sort out my relationship with food and my body separately. So I thought, Okay, I’ll tackle the body image with some first. And then I’ll maybe do a course on intuitive eating. But the food problems just they just dissipated. They’re just don’t want to make simplify it. But for me, they really did. I have moments where, like, my inner critic will kick him but like, you know, I just, I just don’t care any like, I just don’t like I just kind of eat what I want or don’t think about it much. I don’t have the anxiety anymore. My anxiety is really kind of like, yeah, really dissolved.

Summer:
That’s fantastic. That’s really great to hear. I don’t think I knew that about your relationship with food. Like, I don’t think I don’t know how much we talked about that together. But that’s some that’s phenomenal. That’s really great deal.

Laura:
Yeah, it’s great. Especially like, this weekend, I was in Belgium with my partner’s Belgian, like his family. And, you know, it’s just like, lots of delicious like food and home cooking. And we were just like, indoors all weekend. And before, like, I would have gone mental like not being able to get out and exercise to like, run everything off, or, you know, having to be surrounded by all this food, but it was just kind of like really relaxed. Yeah, it none of that occurred to me.

Summer:
Yeah. Fantastic. I love it. So happy to hear that. Were there any, like highlight moments for you at all, like where you were able to kind of do so I know you just mentioned like the trip? Or being in Belgium, but like, was there anything else that kind of stands out to you where you were like, Oh, wow, I was able to do that. And I wasn’t able to do that before.

Laura:
Just at the end of last summer, like there was a moment where I we had painted a concert and it was quite like a big event. And I just didn’t feel like putting on makeup before the concert. So I just didn’t and it was one of those that I would usually like in the past of like kind of glammed up for and like even if I didn’t want to do because it’s not really in my nature, but like, felt like a hat too. And I just didn’t care really not in a kind of like, I wasn’t going on stage looking disheveled, but like, I wasn’t wearing makeup. And I felt fine. I felt at peace. Lots of moments like that really, or moments of just like wearing what I wanted and feeling more peaceful.

Summer:
Yeah, that’s fantastic. That is like it is a big deal. Especially in like, you know, when I think about that kind of a setting, especially, I think there’s so much pressure to kind of wear makeup in any kind of professional setting. But I imagine that’s even more amplified when it’s kind of like a performative setting. So it’s cool to hear about that experience. And to hear that you were just like really chill about it. That’s awesome. So how does it feel to be in this in this place, now that you have these, these tools, and you’ve done this work, like what’s it like to have the baggage off your shoulders, so to speak.

Laura:
It’s amazing. Like, it’s weird though, how quickly I got used to filling up that mental space that used to be taken up by like, being worried about my body or what I was eating my parents like, so quickly, like that mental space then got taken up by like, I don’t know, thoughts about work or like future plans or something like that. But it’s just not feeling held back. And by the time I’ve finished all the modules, I felt a surge of self confidence. Like I’ve never felt that good. And I’ve had like a years of like, how it feels like every single therapy going like, but I just couldn’t believe that like from you know, was it 12 weeks to a bad 12 week course on body image, I’d gained more self confidence and learnt more tools Tools for Life than I had from any, like therapy I’ve ever had. So yeah, it Sorry, that was very long winded, but basically just to say that it feels like freedom and you know, I still have like bad days or moments, but I have the Facebook group which is really it’s such a support. So you’re on there to help and everybody else says really helpful and and then I have all the modules so you know, it’s go through a bit of a rough time like not sort of like struggling with work and stuff. And I notice some issues flare up again. So I just went back to like a module that was really helpful and work through that again, and you know, you have this whole like toolbox of really helpful things. So just feel supported.

Summer:
Yeah, that’s so great to hear. I love that that’s amazing. And like Wow, such a compliment to me. Here are you saying? Well, I at least I’m digging it that way too. But But you’re the one that did the work and I think that that’s like really important to highlight is that you were really like you were you were very intentional about using the tools and making space for them and finding ways to integrate them into your everyday life and reaching out for support and and as well supporting others like having you in the group and watching how you also supported everybody else was always like so I was so grateful for that as well. All. But clearly, like there was just something in you that was really ready for this shift because it seemed to kind of all clicked together for you over that few month period. And that’s just so amazing to witness. But yeah, so I just wanted to say that I’m grateful that you came into the program and put that effort into it, too.

Laura:
Oh, thank you. So no, it really like I don’t say this lightly. But it was really life changing. It gave me like quality of life that I just didn’t have before.

Summer:
Wow, wow. That’s amazing. Yeah. And it’s cool. Like when you reflect back, and you think about how you didn’t even think it was possible, like it, that’s one thing that I always sort of think about, too, is that when you’re in that headspace of Hating Your Body, like you just can’t even imagine like the other like being any other way. And then when you do end up being another way, because you really, you know, put a lot of intention into it. It’s really amazing to kind of be like, wow, like this is, you know, this feels so much better than the way I was before. And I didn’t even think this was possible, at least that’s, you know, kind of what I’ve heard from other people, as well as my own experience, for sure.

Laura:
And it’s kind of like felt like waking up from a dream as well, like, once, like you realize, like, the kind of lies that we’ve been fed and the horror of it all. And the untrue. It’s even those days when you know, it’s so tempting to kind of believe that the latest, you know, I don’t know, just you know, quitting gluten will solve all my problems. It’s like, it’s that you just cannot go back. It’s It’s like you’ve seen the lights?

Summer:
Yes, yeah. Yes. And that’s a beautiful place to be right. Because you don’t want to go back.

Laura:
Oh, my God, no, no way. Yeah,

Summer;
amazing. Well, the last thing I always ask people is, what’s one piece of advice you’d give to all the listeners today? Who are maybe feeling kind of how you felt before you started doing this work?

Laura:
Just do it? It’s worth every penny, like, you know, I had those qualms beforehand. Oh, well, you know, it’s money. And it’s like, well, to change my life, you know, and it’s worth it. You know, it’s, it’s incredible. And it’s like, it’s not just those few months, it’s six months, it’s like, it’s ongoing, you get that stuff then for life. And it’s just, it’s not just worth it to, like feel more comfortable in your body, but to learn like your values, and to feel a greater sense of self worth and confidence and unlock so much other stuff in your life. So it did for me anyway, you know, gave me freedom around a lot of things.

Summer:
oh, that’s so wonderful to hear. I’m so I’m so thrilled. I’m so happy to hear all that. And I really, really appreciate you taking the time to be here to share your story with everybody else. Is there anything else you want to say before we wrap it up?

Laura:
Oh, just thank you so much. It makes me really emotional. But I’m just so grateful to you know.

Summer:
I’m so grateful to you to be able to catch up with you and hear your story. Hear how far you’ve come. And I know it’ll be helped super helpful and inspiring to others. Yeah, thank you. So

Laura:
thanks so much.

Summer:
Thank you for being here.

I hope you found that story inspiring and helpful. You can find all the links mentioned at summer innanen.com forward slash 296. That’s where you’ll find links to other stories like Laura’s and all of the different spotlights that I’ve done over the years. There’s also a YouTube channel where I share people’s interviews and there’s I don’t even know how many there are there now there’s lots. So you will find them all there. And if you want to work with me and you on fire, go to summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire and I would love to be your coach. Thank you so much for being here today. Rock on. I’m Summer Innanen. And I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer Innanen. And if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts search eat the rules and subscribe rate and review this show. I would be so grateful. Until next time, rock on.

Don’t forget, I’m on iTunes! You can be one of my kick-ass subscribers. Also, I would be SO GRATEFUL if you took 2 minutes to leave a review. Go here -> click “Reviews and Ratings” and then “Click to Rate”.