Does jealousy hinder your body image? It certainly used to affect mine. I used to get so caught up in comparing myself to other women and picking apart their every flaw. Jealousy is one of your doppelganger’s greatest sources of ammunition. It feeds your negative thoughts.
Last week I was staying at my in-laws and they left a copy of this Esquire magazine with Cameron Diaz on the cover on our bed.
Summer from a few years ago would have said the following things:
“She is totally photoshopped. There is no way her ass looks like that.”
“OMG, you can practically see her ovaries in that outfit!”
“She obviously doesn’t eat.”
Summer from a few years ago would have said to herself:
“Gawd, I hate my thighs. They are gross.”
“Why can’t I just f*ckin lose weight?!?! Why does my metabolism suck so hard?!?! If I could just stop eating dessert every weekend, I could tone down again. OK, starting next weekend….”
This image would have been a huge trigger for my doppelganger and pushed me right back into excessive exercise and food restriction (that used to masquerade as my holier-than-though eating clean and working out followed by diving head first into ice cream…apologies to all who had to put up with that shit).
Last week when I saw this image, I thought “damn, Cameron looks hot…” And moved on.
Whut whut?!?! Who just said that?
I meet with women all the time who tell me that they critique or feel jealous of other women. In fact, this toxic behaviour seems as socially acceptable as popping Zzz Quil after a rough day at the office. This is not right.
When we feel negativity, jealousy and envy towards other women we are indirectly insulting ourselves. What we see in others is a reflection of what we see in ourselves.
This is a normal reaction if you don’t have a good body image. You see someone with something that you don’t have and you feel lousy about yourself.
The problem is that when your perception of beauty is based on ridiculous ideals, you are pretty much doomed to pick yourself apart whenever you are around other women.
Today when I look at women, my doppelganger stays silent and I no longer have the urge to judge them…or myself. In fact, I usually get filled with positive feelings towards them. That was a huge marker for me to know I had turned the corner on my battle with myself.
While I usually recommend that women remove triggers like magazines in the initial stages of ridding yourself of negative thoughts, I also encourage you to celebrate female individuality and seek out beauty.
Are you guilty of feeling jealous around other women? Here are 3 things you can do:
#1) Stop all comments out loud.
You know how brutal women can be with each other…
“Did you see her hair? Jennifer Aniston called, she wants her Rachel-do back.”
Stop all bashing. If you have friends that engage in this behavior, don’t play into it.
Simply say, “haven’t we moved on from this grade 7 commentary?”
Be the bigger person and seek out the positive in the person: “She looks like she’s pretty happy with that hair and that’s all that matters.”
End scene. Or leave scene.
As women, we need to stand up for each other and end this bullshit that perpetuates our insecurities. We need to stop tearing each other down. REVOLUTION!!!!!
#2) Make an effort to celebrate all appearances, shapes and sizes.
Genuinely. Start to scope out other women and notice the diversity that you see. Look for positives in other people in a non-judgmental way.
Accept that we are all unique and that is what makes us special.
#3) Give compliments to other women.
All women. When you start to say positive things aloud to others, you will start to feel this way inside about yourself. Your doppelganger cannot survive positivity.
Getting to a place where I no longer felt like a total slob after seeing said magazine cover took a lot of work. I needed to remix my own brain in order to do that.
And it goes through different stages. At first it feels forced, but trust that it will come naturally as long as you keep doing the work.
In my free Remix Your Body Image webjam happening on Thursday November 6th at 8pm EST (pencil that down!!), I’ll be giving you tips on how you can demolish your evil doppelganger and unleash your inner badass, so you don’t feel that jealousy.
Stay tuned for more details on the webjam, plus the down-low on my upcoming 21 Step Body Image Remix program.
What’s the one thing you are going to do to start celebrating other women’s appearances? Sound off in the comments below>>>
This stuff is so important. The raging feminist me wants to add to #3 and encourage women to compliment other women about things not related to appearance too – “You handled that difficult situation really well” “Your presentation kicked ass” “I’m inspired because your so good at…” “I admire your dedication to …”
YESSS!!! You are so right Chris. Accomplishments > appearance. We need to start celebrating what women are DOING and SAYING. Thank you for pointing that out!!