What are the habits of a confident woman? Consistent exercise? Good makeup? Oh haaaeelll no.
We are conditioned to believe that confidence comes from having a better appearance. If you’ve been following my work for more than 30 seconds, you know that this isn’t true. Confidence is something that comes from the inside out and is dictated by our actions and ability to trust ourselves.
Our confidence is usually hindered by our perfectionist tendencies. We place far more value on gaining other people’s approval than we do on being comfortable with who we really are.
This past week, I needed to overcome a confidence barrier and rather than crying in the fetal position, I decided to put together a list that I will call 5 Habits Of A Confident Woman. I can’t tell you how much these helped to prevent me from combusting in a wild fire of self-doubt.
These principles can be applied to anything in your life:
… Not wanting to try CrossFit because we don’t think we are fit enough yet
… Not wanting to put our picture on Facebook because we are not thin enough yet
… Not wanting to go shopping because we are afraid of looking at ourselves in a mirror
… Not wanting to break free from toxic friends because you are afraid of being alone
We all struggle with moments where we feel like we are not worthy or good enough. That is what humans do. But, you can move through these moments more successfully by following these habits:
#1 – Start before you are ready.
If I waited until I was ‘ready’, it would never happen. Doubts will always exist and you will never be totally free of them. Even the most egocentric person has an evil voice that needs taming once in a while.
#2 – Shift your goal from pleasing others or being better than others to just being you.
The moment I stopped making my goal, “I want everyone to love me!!!” and “I want to be the best person there” to “I want to be my real self”, everything got easier. If you make this your goal and put in your best effort, it’s pretty hard to fall short.
#3 – You cannot please everyone.
Don’t even bother trying to please everyone. I wasted far too many negative emotions and ‘sorry’s’ trying to please others. F that noise. Not everyone is going to understand or resonate with you and that is fine. The world would be pretty boring if we were all kumbaya clones.
#4 – Stand true to your values and principles and remember that you cannot control what other people think.
Giving up control comes in handy in many areas of life – especially as it relates to changing other’s opinions. You cannot control that. People will think what they want and your time is better spent focusing on #2.
#5 – Step into your fears.
Fear is good (not in the dark alley kind of way). Fear is healthy. Usually when I feel fear, I know that I am on the right track. I have never been disappointed for the experience that comes from stepping into my fears. Except for that one time that I (I = terrified of heights) rode in a helicopter without doors in Kauai… That was dark alley kind of fear and I would have preferred to hit the beach that day.
Feel free to print or pin your own list here…
In case you are wondering, I presented a poster (a poster is sort of like a science fair exhibit…you can see pictures on my Instagram feed) at the Ancestral Health Symposium on how to make Paleo more emotionally sustainable.
For those of you unfamiliar, AHS is primarily for academics – in other words, 90% of the people presenting have expensive letters like Ph.D, M.D. and M.S. after their name and likely spend their free time drooling over peer reviewed research on PubMed. To be totally honest, I was afraid I was way out of my league. That, in addition to my introverted tendencies, made for a perfect storm of nerves going into the event.
I also had the opportunity of standing on a stage and talking about my poster for a minute to a larger audience…
Rather than crying in the fetal position, I used that list of guiding principles to sashay shante amongst the academics.
What guiding principles help you to be more confident? Tell me in the comments!
PS: I’ve had some requests to share my poster and I will definitely be doing that. It requires context, so I’m planning on doing a webinar or podcast on the topic in the very near future. In the meantime, you can see it here (massive thanks to my work-wife Sarah Ramsden for bringing my idea to life).