We all know the woman.
The one who appears to be crushing it at life, but every time you acknowledge her efforts, she doubts what she’s done and judges herself for not being better. “Yeah, but I…blaaaaaaaaaah.”
You want to shake her like a bag of microwave popcorn in the hopes that she could see how awesome (and buttery…mmmmm) she really is.
I used to be “that woman.” I continually questioned whether I had done the right thing and nothing I did was ever enough.
It was no good for my confidence, which is why I want to give you this one tip.
When I first started this anti-diet/body image journey, I really wanted to be more confident by assertively saying no and speaking my mind. I would muster up the courage (heart palpitating, sweat pooling in my thong), reluctantly do it… then proceed to immediately freak-out that I had done the wrong thing and no one would like me and I was destined to live in the fetal position under my desk for the rest of my life.
Instead of acknowledging my efforts like, “Look at you killing it! You stood up for yourself. This is a massive milestone.” I would generally think, “Yeah, but what if I did the wrong thing? Maybe I should have {insert ridiculous expectations}?”
This made it so much harder for me to repeat this behaviour because I was so focused on my emotional reaction, versus giving myself credit for the effort I had put into stepping outside my comfort zone.
When you take a risk, especially little ones, do you tend to doubt yourself or feel bad for not doing better?
Do you focus on the uncertainty of the outcome or the effort you put into being more confident?
Which route do you think is going to help you be more confident and secure in yourself?
The more that you focus on and give yourself credit for your efforts, the more confidence you will have for your future actions.
It’s the difference between saying, “I ate two cupcakes, maybe I shouldn’t have done that? Ugh, I don’t know!” versus, “I ate two cupcakes and dammit I’m proud of that I was able to actually give myself permission to eat that.”
It’s the difference between saying, “I let my friend tag me in a photo on Facebook and I’ve spent 45 hours wondering if I should remove it,” versus, “I am so proud that I let my friend tag me on Facebook. I haven’t done that before.”
It is absolutely necessary to give yourself credit for your efforts in order to build up confidence to get where you want to go.
In other words, it wasn’t until I started to praise myself for the effort it took for me to stand up for myself that it became easier for me to repeat this behaviour going forward (without the sleepless nights and panic attacks that came along with it).
The bottom line: Be unapologetic about your efforts – even when it feels uncomfortable. Every step counts towards making you more confident.
P.S. Want some encouragement and a squad (are the cool people still using this word?) to help you celebrate your efforts? That’s what the 21 Step Body Image Remix is all about—21 steps to take to help you feel more confident in your body. If you sign-up for the December group cycle (starting Tuesday Nov 29th), you’ll get a sweet bonus of being able to hop on 2 group coaching calls with me for some one-on-one support. Scissor kick your way over here to get details and sign-up>>