Today, I wanna show you a picture of me at my “skinniest”, long before my Rock Your Body days. One of my hobbies at the time was also tanning…
Most women would assume by my smile and Gisele pose (likely learned that one time at modeling camp) that life was peachy—that I was confident and bringin’ all the boys to my yard. But on the inside, I was NOT in a body-lovin’ frame of mind.
Here’s what that photo DOESN’T show:
- I was terrified of gaining weight and so my “hobbies” included imaginatively crafting cauliflower into substitutes for the carbs I craved.
- My head was filled with a never-ending stream of negative self-judgment and I was constantly picking myself apart and comparing myself to other women.
- All I cared about was what other people thought of me and how I could make them think I “had it all together”.
- I’d swing from Jekyll to Hyde depending on what number the scale said.
And don’t let those Ibiza shades and pink sash (this was 10 years ago!) fool you… I did not feel sexy or confident. Just goes to show you, a picture can lie. (Cough, cough…every photoshop-happy women’s mag on the rack.)
Eventually, I even channeled my obsession with “losing the weight once and for all!” into a career as a nutritionist.
People praised me on my militant willpower and self-discipline. Every pound I lost, every compliment I received, I got a rush of validation and pride that was Breaking-Bad addictive. And I wanted MORE.
Because like most women, I grew up hating my body and thinking it was something that needed to be fixed.
Just like you, I was in constant waiting mode. Waiting to wake up one day and feel like “perfect Summer” — free of body shame and amped up on confidence, so I could finally do the things I’d been fantasizing about doing.
If I was THAT woman, I’d walk around my house naked or get dressed without 15 outfit changes and meltdowns, do downward dog at the front of yoga class with ZERO self-doubt, mack on my man makeup-free. Everyone would love me, I would never feel insecure and I’d be doing money throws with Rihanna off her yacht in my bedazzled bikini. (Obviously.)
But the truth is: It didn’t work like that. I was making self-worth and my own happiness CONDITIONAL on my body looking a certain way. Which meant I couldn’t love my body until I loved my body (talk about ass-backwards).
Seriously though, have you ever felt like that? How often have you thought to yourself: “I wouldn’t feel so…”
- OVERWHELMED if there weren’t dishes in the sink and laundry on the floor.
- ASHAMED to go to the beach if I didn’t have pasty skin, stretch marks, and a cellulite-y ass.
- BROKE and behind all my friends in life if I was making more money, had a bigger house, and could afford to travel more.
- SCARED to wear that fitted dress if my tummy didn’t stick out so much.
- HESITANT to go dancing with my girlfriends if I had Beyoncé’s moves.
- UNWORTHY if I finally had my mother’s approval about the life decisions I’ve made.
Because you’re not alone. As Brené Brown says, we “hustle for our worthiness” and look to other people to give this to us, which is fleeting and artificial.
We NEVER feel good enough until we achieve that elusive “next thing”, which means we’re always hinging our worth on something we can’t control. And that? Is a recipe for major disappointment.
After my wake-up call, I learned that feeling good in your body is something you create for yourself from the inside out. Perfection is just an aspiration — the carrot you never catch — laced in self-loathing.
I used to think that having the “perfect” body would cue my “perfect” life to start — that this future badass self would be my backstage pass to confidence and joy.
But now, I know it’s really just about staying true to who you are in the face of possible judgment and rejection. It’s about being unapologetic about who you are, even if that person is imperfect and uncool. And it’s about learning to accept yourself, so you don’t need the acceptance of others.
This is me today…comfortable in who I am, not giving a F what other’s think and rockin’ a bikini bod that took me an entire 30 seconds (that I spent pulling my suit on) to get.
Because when you care too much about what other people think, you don’t allow yourself to be truly seen. You constantly self-criticize, because you don’t feel like you’re living up to someone else’s expectations.
And while it may feel comforting and safe to “fit in”, it can prevent us from making real connections, and get in the way of our living the lives we want.
Eventually, I learned that THINNESS is not the only thing in life worth living for.
(And let’s be honest. If a zombie apocalypse goes down tomorrow and the world goes all Walking Dead, are you gonna care what you look like? Hell no.)
It took me a LONG time to realize that I could unleash the badass woman I wanted to be without “waiting” for her to come out.
It’s your time. Are you ready?
Then join me and hundreds of other women in the free Rock Your Body mini-course – for badass women who are done with hating their bodies and ready to start living beyond the numbers on their scales.
Enter your name and email below to get access to the free Rock Your Body mini-course when it begins on September 8th – in the meantime, you’ll get instant access to my “Top 10 Signs Your Body Image Could Use a Tune-Up” checklist:
Inside the Rock Your Body mini-course, you’ll get 3 lessons that teach you:
– The number one reason your attempts at “loving your body” aren’t working
– The one action you must take to stop caring about other people’s opinions of you
– How to bust through the biggest block that keeps your self-worth chained to your body size
Society has fed you a bunch of bullshit and I’m here to help you blow it up and feel good in whatever your body looks like.
The free Rock Your Body mini-course will give you the fundamental first steps to take to stop hating your body and ignite the badass woman within.
When you enter your name and email address below, you’ll receive your first lesson on September 8th – plus, you’ll get instant access to the “Top 10 Signs Your Body Image Could Use a Tune-Up” checklist.
You’ll also be the first to hear about the ultimate body love and self-worth makeover — the 12-week Rock Your Body coaching program — when it opens for enrollment!