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Summer:
This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image self worth, anti dieting and intersectional feminism. I am your host. Summer innan, a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence, and the best selling author of body image remix, if you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This is episode 324 and I’m back with Ivy Felicia, the body relationship coach. This is part two of our two part discussion on how we’re navigating the evolving relationships with our bodies, and in this second part, we talk about the tools that we lean on to support us through body image challenges, how ableism and the fear of losing our health influences our relationship with our body and what it’s like to realize that you look like your parents. You can find the links mentioned at summer Inn and in.com forward slash, 324.

I want to give a shout out to Sarah P who left this review. I found this podcast while searching for tools to help improve my body image, and it definitely delivers summer is so well spoken and has opened the door for me to a whole new way of thinking about my body and my relationship with food. I love that she links other valuable resources with every episode. I have already learned so much, and I’m so excited to continue to learn and grow from it. Thank you so much for leaving a review. You can do that by going to Apple podcast. Search for eat, the rules, click ratings and reviews, and click to leave a review and do it on Spotify, if you can’t do it on Apple podcast or wherever you get your show this show, where do you listen to the show and you can subscribe to that always helps if you have the financial means to do so. You can support the show via Ko, Fi, that’s K O dash, fi.com, forward slash summer in and in make a monthly contribution for as little as $5 a month to help keep the show on the air, and you’ll get access to my free mini course conquering negative BodyTalk. You can get all my other free resources at the body image coach.com including the 10 day body confidence makeover, as well as the body image coaching roadmap for providers who work with people who may also have body image struggles.

I’m super excited for the second part. Hopefully you checked out the first part. If you didn’t, you can find it. It’s episode 323 and this is a continuation where we dive deeper into some of the stuff that helps us and what it’s like to look like our mothers and how ableism influences our relationship with our bodies. So check it out.

Hi Ivy, happy to be here with you again.

Ivy:
Yes. Say summer. Glad to be back.

Summer:
Yeah. So you can listen to our earlier recording. We’ll both linked to it, but we talked about our just our experiences with aging, and the beliefs that we had about aging, as well as the positive side of the aging experience that we’ve that we’ve both had. And we wanted to pick things back up again, because we felt like we had so much to talk about. One of the things we wanted to talk about was what it’s like to look more like your parents as you age. Is that something that you’ve experienced Ivy? Do you look like one of your parents a little bit more?

Ivy:
Yeah, I’m laughing because this is still something I’m still, like, making peace with. It’s just so strange to me.

I remember, like, the first experience when I had my hair a certain way, usually when it’s like, down and full and like curly, I look in the mirror and it’s like my mother is looking back at me, and it’s my mother is, you know, a magical person. It’s not one of those things where it’s like anything bad. It’s just interesting to look and I don’t think I known is, I did not have that before, and it sort of felt like when I looked in the mirror, I was looking back, and then it was sort of like I looked in the mirror, it’s like, Oh, mom is looking back. So that was just a unique experience to go through. What about you?

Summer:
Yeah, it’s a little it’s a little strange. I look exactly like my mother. So I, and people used to say that when I was young, and I was like, I don’t know. I don’t see it. I don’t see it at all. And now I think it was probably, yeah, maybe just like three, three or four years ago, where it was like a picture of my mom and I together, and I was like, Oh my God. I was like, we look exactly the same. And so I, you know, my mom’s an amazing person, and she’s very loving and supportive as well, even though sometimes we do have a bit of friction there, but, but I it is Weird. And it is weird because I’ve heard her disparage her appearance a lot, too, and so that’s, that’s a strange experiences. I feel like sometimes it’s a bit of a shock. Like, for me, when I notice it, it’s a bit of a shock. And then I can also, you know, find, like, I can, I can embrace a side of it, like, this is like, you know, the essence of her. And there’s something really kind of special about that, in terms of keeping that, that alive and part of the legacy and and even maybe find compassion for it. And because, you know, I, I watched her kind of disparage her appearance, and so to be able to be like, well, I’m going to undo that. You know, I’m really working on undoing that sort of generational cycle there. But I do know for people, I think that could be really hard. I think it could be hard, especially if like you have if you don’t want to look like you’re your parent, because maybe they weren’t very good to you. And so I think that that could be a very confusing experience for somebody,

Ivy:
yeah, I will say in transparency that I had a complex relationship with my mother, and it’s something that I worked through in therapy, and I still continue to work through. So I think that’s also what made it kind of jarring. Part of what I worked through in therapy was understanding my mother as being her own person, right, being an individual, and not just her being my mother. So that helped me right before I even got to the 40s, and I started realizing that I looked like her. It was sort of like, you know, at one point she was, you know, a young girl. She was a young woman. She was figuring things out. Because a lot of times we can just think of mothers just sort of like, oh, that’s like, Oh, that’s my mom. She was here to take care of me. But when you think of a mother as an individual, you know, person, and like having her own challenges, her own journeys, and all of those things, and so even talking about, you know, like our mothers and their bodies, and sort of like how they felt about their bodies and how they communicated that to us. I think, like you said, my my mother, well, I know that my mother did impact my body image a lot. You know, I first started dieting with her at, you know, went to Weight Watchers with her, was on all these different diets with her, so I did do a lot of work in healing my relationship with my body by finding my own individuality, right, and defining like, how do I feel about my body and what this body piece mean to me, and how am I going to accept my body and not move in the same way? So it’s jarring when you look in the mirror and see that image looking back at you, and even if it’s a person who seems like maybe you experienced this still too, that even though they’re aging, if our mothers still are disconnected with their bodies, right, or still at war with their bodies, and you see their image looking Back at you, because that image does represent certain messages from them that we’ve received or we’ve learned, right? So that can be really complex. It can be,

Summer:
yeah, yeah. And I think, just like normalizing that that is a challenge and a pretty common one, I think, and that it can bring up a lot of different feelings and and emotions, and especially when you’ve worked really hard at just trying to be your own person and have your own identity, and then you’re like, wait a minute,

Ivy:
and it can feel like seeing those messages looking you in the mirror, right? Whatever those messages that you got from your mom. So I think that’s where having those body tools can be really important. And when I talk to my clients, we talk about like, what are your body tools that help you in those complicated moments? Like, what is it that you can lean into when certain emotions are activated, right or certain thoughts are activated around your body, like maybe that’s a good time to journal through things you know, or voice record through through things, or go back over your affirmations that you have written about what your relationship with your body is and what you’ve agreed to with your body, because seeing that maybe image that reminds you of things that are more judgmental can kind of, you know, be activating. You can go back and ground yourself and be like, Okay, this is what I believe, this is what I know, and this is what I’ve agreed to with my body,

Summer:
yes, yes, I love that. I love that I feel like it’s one of the things we were going to talk about ourselves, is like, how, what are some of the tools that we use personally? I know you just mentioned, you know, journaling there and some other practices are those things that you lean on personally or like, what do you find helps you navigate moments where you feel like, maybe that relationship with your body is is not as as compassion? It as you’d want it to be.

Ivy:
I do journaling sometimes. To be honest, I’m a yapper, so, yeah, so, you know, I do better with voice recordings. Actually, this is like the beauty of, you know, technology. So just taking on my phone and just talking about what I’m feeling, and it just helps me get it out of my body, right? And sometimes I’ll save them, sometimes I’ll erase them. Just depends. But that has been tremendously impactful for me, like, especially being a person who is more of a words person. Movement works for me. It can be gentle movement, like putting on music and dancing. It can be like walking. I’m also a nature person. I would say nature comes second after yapping for me, for me. So, you know, playing like I have all kinds of plants, as you can see in my house. So going and doing that, doing the herbal work, getting into, you know, the garden and stuff like that is tremendously grounding for me. And to be honest, it helps take that hyper fixation off my body too. So if I’m in that moment where it’s like, oh, I’m picking at things, and things are like, really crowding my thoughts and I’m feeling overwhelmed, it actually helps move that hyper fixation off so I can breathe, ground myself, and come back with more clarity. Like, you know what? Okay, that was a moment. Here’s what I remember, here’s what I believe, here’s what I’ve committed to with my body. And then let’s keep going. What about you?

Summer:
I love that. I love I love that so much. Yeah, I feel like mine’s mine’s similar. I feel like, I feel like engaging in activity, like, kind of like, I find that if I’m stewing over something or I start to sort of find, like, notice myself spiraling. Like, there’s a couple things that really help. One is like getting outside. I find and just like going for a walk, like you said. And fortunately, I live around a lot of beautiful natural places, and so just, you know, like noticing the flowers or the water or the mountains or whatever it is. And I find that that, like, can really shift my nervous system, which then shifts my thoughts. Like, I think, I think a lot of times we sort of battle with our thoughts, and we’re trying to change our thoughts, but if we can just kind of shift our nervous system that makes our thoughts like, give us new perspectives and can help quiet some of those thoughts. So that’s a big one for me. And I think, like other things that I always come back to is just really trying to be compassionate with myself, and really trying to go through the process of like, well, it makes sense why I feel this way. Like I’ve had these experiences in my life. I’ve internalized these beliefs and these messages, and so it makes sense that I’m tender to these particular moments, like, if I find myself comparing myself to somebody else, or feeling inadequate, like and just kind of like, softening into it and and giving myself compassion. And then one of the other things that’s really important to me is, is talking to people like, so talking to my husband about it, or a friend about it, or a therapist, like, I find that that process of of just getting it out is, is like, is so important for me to, like, actually talk about what I’m experiencing. Other things that have helped me in this aging process, I think are challenging myself. So I, you know, I’m doing a master’s program I learned to ski a couple years ago. Like I’m trying to do stuff that is just a little more challenging, because I think it’s like a it’s a good way to just build confidence and and just help me to, I don’t know, try new things and like, just feel more connected to, like, what I don’t know, like, just feeling like I’m stretching myself a bit, you know what I mean, and not kind of falling into this place of just doing the same stuff that I’ve that I’ve always done. I find the challenge to me is almost like an adventure. And I think that that’s something that I really value. So that’s a better way to phrase it, yeah. And then having, like, a lot of boundaries, like, I know what my body needs. I know exactly. I know what I need to thrive. And so I sometimes I can be a bit rigid, I’ve been told, but I know, like, this is, this is the routine I need. And like, if I stray from this, I’m not going to be the best version of myself, you know. And so it can, in some ways, it can be a little limiting, but in other ways, it’s like, I just, I know what I need to thrive. And so making sure that I have that is, is really important, and setting boundaries around that. So like my bedtime and like, my ridiculous bedtime routine and what I need to fall asleep and all of these other things are really important to me.

Ivy:
I love that. Like, I’d love to see if you’re comfortable with, like, actually exploring that a little bit more. Like, because I feel like that that comes with aging to.

Like we talked in the last episode about how, you know, you find this level of com, like, where it’s like, okay, I want comfortable clothes. I want comfortable shoes. You know, you start to really prioritize, like, your body and your knees a little bit more as you start to get older, because you’re less, you’re being less pulled right by external messages. And if you’re comfortable with talking about like, do you think that aging has shaped that commitment to your boundaries and to like, your nourishment and care of yourself and your body?

Summer:
Yeah, I don’t know. It’s interesting. I almost think it’s more that I’m just less tolerant to discomfort of having like, of being like, I’m I’m less tolerant to being tired, like, I’m less tolerant to being uncomfortable. And I know some of that is, like, hormonally related, and I know that some of it is just because my life, because I have a young kid, I’m running a business and I’m in school, like, so I do have just, like, less tolerance for because I’m already sort of at my Brink a lot of the time. So I think that’s it. But it is also like I’m less willing to, like, put other people’s needs above my own, and sort of sacrifice my my what’s going to help me feel good to satisfy other people. It’s not to say I don’t care about other people’s needs. Like, I really do too much, probably still, but I’m also just the type of person who now I’m just a lot more secure being like, you know what? That’s not going to work for me. Like, I really need to make sure that I’m home at this particular time, or I can’t do that that’s a weekday. Like, I’ve got a, you know, I’ve got clients the next day. And so, whereas before I might feel like, from a people pleasing perspective, or feeling like I need to, like, you know, be there for people, would have sacrificed my own care to to do that. So I’m not sure if that’s what you were kind of getting at, um, or what your experience has been with that too.

Ivy:
Yeah, my Yeah, that’s what I was talking about. And yeah, my experience has been similar. I think it goes along with like we talked about in the last episode of Just like you get into this space of like, taking care of you, right? And when you’re young, I think so much of your decision making is still can be, still impacted by, like you said, wanting to be cool, wanting to be popular, wanting to fit in. I know for me, in my younger years, I would say, like, you know, 20s and 30s, it was sort of like, Oh, if people were going to the spaces or these this time or this setting, even if I didn’t like it, I would kind of do it because I wanted to, like, be with those people, right? And so it was kind of like I would go with it, and then I’m uncomfortable, or I’m feeling a certain type of way about about the environment, or, you know, the time of day, or whatever. Like, there’s just so many things now that I’m aware of. And I was just telling, actually my sister yesterday, I was like, as I get older, I’m just realizing that, like, time is life, right, literally, and you don’t have that much life, and so, like, I don’t want to use up my life hours in ways that I’m uncomfortable, you know, and in doing Things that don’t feel good for me. So there’s more of a priority. I agree with you, like, I have a bedtime routine. It’s like, okay, I do this, this and this. You know, a lot of it comes from a space of awareness now, like just having a lot of clarity, because I’ve done a lot of work between therapy, body relationship work, like knowing what Ivy needs, and then knowing, like, what my body needs, you know, in order to flourish and to thrive. And back then I didn’t, I don’t think I was even connected enough with my body to really get it like, there’s things I can look back and be like, was that bothering me then the whole time? You know, certain things now, it’s like, I don’t like to be out in the heat for extended amounts of time, you know, it’s just like, enough to get I did that back then. Was I uncomfortable and just sort of overlooking it? Or some things do shift with age, right? Like, it’s like, Okay, I can’t stand the heat, like I used to, or whatever. Yeah, when I know I’m going out on a Saturday, it’s like, I’m gonna need to pack snacks. I’m gonna be hungry and I’m not if I start to get into hangry, it’s not gonna be a good time. Let me make sure I have the hydration and the snacks that I need, right?

Summer:
I relate to that so much. The key thing is like, it’s intense now, because I actually had this conversation last week with my husband, I was like, I was like, I used to be okay with heat, like, but was I? And I think that I was going to ask you, because I know we’re both highly sensitive people, but do you think I feel like that’s intensified as I’ve gotten older? And I don’t know if that’s. Because of the hormonal changes. But, like, I’m a lot more sensitive to sound, to, you know, external stimulation, to temperature changes, to feelings on my skin, like it’s gone up quite a bit, I would say. So I don’t know if I was blunting it out before, like, if I was just, you know, somehow bypassing it with my youthful energy, or, or if it just is something that, like, has intensified with because of the hormonal changes or aging changes, it’s really interesting.

Ivy:
I 100% agree. You know, if there wasn’t 1,000% I would pick that. I’ve had those thoughts too, and I’m like, Has this gotten more like certain it’s just things irritate you more, right? Like just things that I feel like, was this always a problem? Was I just not taking care of myself? You know? Was I not listening that? What I came up with was that, I think it’s like this mixture of things, right? I do believe that the more you listen to your body, the more you hear I’ve seen that happen with clients that when we work on listening to body signals, and when we first start, they’re like, I don’t hear anything, you know, or my body doesn’t say anything to me. And then we work on it, and we work and they’re like, Oh, I noticed this, and I noticed that. And then, you know, we work. And some clients I’ve worked with for over a year, and as we go through the journey now, they’re noticing all sorts of things, and they’re like, Yeah, I noticed that my body wasn’t really feeling that. Or even when they get into spaces, it’s like, oh, you know, I sort of felt this in my body. I didn’t feel comfortable around that person. So I think some of it is more of an awareness, just like I say tuning out to tune in. So I think that we tune out a lot of the external noise, right? Whereas maybe when we were younger, we were tapped into the external noise because we wanted to please, we wanted to fit in so that crowded things more and we couldn’t hear things. And as we turn the dial down on the external noise, we actually hear the internal messages more clearly, like, that’s a very big part of the mix for me, and I think the rest of it is hormonal.

Summer:
Yeah, I do think there’s not as a factor. But to your point, I love the way that you explained that in terms of the you know, kind of once the you learn to become more aware and turn down that external noise like you do, become more attuned to what actually helps you feel you know helps you feel good, and you realize like, oh my god, I really tolerated a lot of stuff that wasn’t really serving me. And so it’s nice to be able to let that go, even though I’m sure some of my things, my routines, drive my husband up the wall. But, you know, he’s used to dealing with me now, and

Ivy:
yes, I have my husband’s the same. He’s like, I know you’re an HSP, and I know he says he sees the the beauty and the complexity of it, right? He’s like, you know, it makes you very sensitive and very this and very that and very caring, and you notice things that other people don’t notice. However, it also means that, you know, one degree on the thermostat makes a difference to you. Or, you know, when you’re hungry, you’re growing, you know, or that the certain type of sheets, you know, it’s like, I’m like, yeah, it comes with the territory. It’s a trick, you know?

Summer:
Oh my gosh, yeah. We need to do, like, a whole bedroom comparison in terms of, like, the sheets, the temperature, the

Ivy:
air flow, there needs to

Summer:
be all white noise. I got my sleep mask, I got my satin pillow case. I got cool air.

Ivy:
It’s a whole thing.

Summer:
It’s a it is a whole thing. I have a I have an inflatable body pillow that I bring with me when I travel as well, and a portable fan that I have that’s like a little USB fan that I bring anytime I travel. And like my friends, just think I’m wacky, but this is what I gotta do.

Ivy:
I’m convinced a lot of that is HSP too, because, you know which, I think we talked about this in the in that episode, but it’s been scientifically proven that people who, which, for those who don’t know HSP, is highly sensitive persons, that we literally feel sensations on a different level than other people, like it’s not just the theory. So we even see colors brighter, we hear sounds louder, like it’s been tested and proven. So that’s why things that might not bother other people, you know, bother us in a different way.

Summer:
Yeah, I’m glad it’s, it’s it is biologically true.

Ivy:
There’s science behind it,

Summer:
yeah, one of the so the last thing I think you and I wanted to talk about was just navigating ableism and this fear of losing ability. So I think that, you know, a lot of people that I’ve had conversations with worry about losing their abilities or have started to. Lose their abilities and and so that like, how to kind of navigate some of those fears and anxieties and and be able to sort of move forward without letting those fears and anxieties like kind of take away from enjoying, you know, this season of life, like I know that you have had some health challenges that you talked about, what’s helped you navigate the those changes and and your outlook as a result of those changes?

Ivy:
Yeah, it’s been a big learning experience. It’s just been a journey of consistently figuring out just what my body needs in a given moment, and lots of patience and compassion and sort of how I approach it. And even the clients that I work with that are chronically ill, like we talk a lot about self parenting, and it’s just like, Okay, would you be like this to a child that, you know, blank, right? And we tend to be more understanding of like, oh, there’s a child that can’t they’re a toddler. They can only walk so far or so fast. But if it’s us, it’s sort of like, Oh, why can’t I keep up, you know? And to return to being that gentle parent to your own body, right? And just, we understand having that patience for a child of like they’re learning some of learning something right their abilities, or something they’re not able to do, or they can’t open something, or they can’t pick it up. It’s like, Oh, I’ll help you. But when it’s us, you know, we just feel this frustration and those things. So it really, for me, was returning to parenting myself. Yeah, it was a whole new experience, experience in that, and I’ll also, in transparency, admit that it showed me my own level of privilege that I had in regards to health right and ability, especially because my chronic illness. Well, I had PCOS, but I also had thyroid disorder, which exacerbated over the past two years. And so there were so many things that I’ve learned that I took for granted, and it was sort of like there are some people who have never been able to do this and will never be able to do these things, and we associate those things only with age. But a lot of people, it’s not just an age thing. It’s something that their body just can’t do, and they’ve never been able to do. So it’s been really helping me to expand right my understanding of bodies. And again, we talked about in the last episode, body diversity, bio, individuality, and what feels like aging shifts for some of us is what it’s always been for others, right? And not to to answer your question, not to diminish or minimize anybody’s experiences that they’re having with their body shifting, because it is when your body shifts you go through body changes. It is a real experience. It does impact your connection and your relationship with your body, but it also gives some perspective on the fact that you know your body, no one’s body is good or bad. There’s no morality based on what we can and can’t do, and if we can release that for ourselves, then we’re also able to do that for others, right? And be more empathetic in the experiences that others are having.

Summer:
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think the like that internalized ableism and this belief that you know our worth is in our abilities, is something that, like, I absolutely, probably need to do more excavation around, you know. And I think that that obviously comes like, because I have been able bodied my, you know, entire life. And so that’s like, there is that internalized ableism in there and and I think that that’s hard work to do, because there there isn’t a lot of diversity in the messaging like I think that oftentimes when we see people talk about aging, again, we have these polar opposites, where you see these images of people who are like doing these extraordinary things, who are, you know, 80 plus years old, and then you have these images of people in, you know, in nursing homes that are just, you know, in a wheelchair, staring at a TV. And so it’s like that creates this sort of like. That reinforces that ableism, right? And that and how that intersects with ageism. And I think that, like, we need to hear more stories and more see more imagery of of just diverse experiences and people talking about it, so that we’re not just like putting aging into, like, one of these two boxes, that it’s either this amazing thing that you like power through and you live really long and you’re strong, or, you know, you. Are going to be confined to, you know, a nursing home or something like that, which obviously there’s nothing wrong with. And again, a lot of us don’t have control over that, but I think that, like if we had more stories and if we had more visibility, it would be helpful in order to unpack some of those, some of those belief systems that intersect between the ageism and the ableism.

Ivy:
Yeah, I agree with you on the need for more conversation about it, more representation. A lot of those things get pushed to the margins, right, which is where we get the whole marginalized bodies thing happening. One thing that really these past two years just really shifted things for me, was when I had so many things I wasn’t able to do while I was, you know, waiting for my thyroid surgery and just navigating through all of that. And my parents were very big caretakers of me, and that shifted my concepts around aging, because you always think of like, Oh, I’m this, you know, particular age. So in mainstream thoughts around bodies and body standards, it’s you get to a certain age, and your parents, you know, health is maybe declining, and they need you, and you become the caretaker. But when you throw into the mix chronic illness and disability and things like that, and the parent is the one who’s actually helping you, and they have, you know, more strength than you do, or they’re having to do things, it’s sort of like, oh, wait, this is totally different than the narrative like you said, that we’ve always seen, and that creates space for this expansive concept of bodies, right, the diversity of bodies, right? That, like some people can be young, and a lot of people are young, right? And their parents are caretakers of our caretakers of them as young adults, right? Or they have limited mobility, or, you know, things like that. And the parents might have more than them. There’s very much this mainstream concept of like things happen, 12345, right? And these very linear concepts of life and body experiences, and it’s so mixed up, it’s so different, but I will say that those experiences over the past few years for me really helped me deepen the concept of like worth when it comes to my body, right, that I can allow my parents to because I wasn’t able to drive for like, two years, so they were driving me to my appointments. You know, when I was going to surgery. You know, they were there for me. My husband was there as well. I’m not excluding excluding him, but we’re the same age. But just saying that, you know, they were coming over like my mom would come over and help me clean the house, because I literally could not vacuum. I could not, you know, dust, like I normally do, and things like that. And so it’s just things where you have these preconceived notions. And like you said, it’s internalized ableism. It is a form of ableism. And then life comes along and teaches you and expands you and deepen your understanding of bodies and identity.

Summer:
Mm, hmm, yeah, thank you for sharing that. I feel like that’s a really important message, and thank you for sharing your story around that one I one thing I will share about my own personal experience with that is that I was it a year ago? Like, a year and a bit ago, I noticed ringing in my ears. So I have, I call it tinnitus, but I think people call it tinnitus anyways, it’s I have constant ringing in my ears now. And when that first, the onset of that, like, terrified me. I was like, I was spiraling because I was like, oh my god, I’m never going to hear silence again. And I was in like, a really bad headspace for a couple months around it, because it was just, you know, like, this kind of realization of, like, this is there’s this permanent change that’s happened to me. And so it, like going through that has helped me to like, I really had to, like, surrender and accept and just be like, this is the way. Like, this is your reality now. And you know, I can, like, go down Reddit rabbit holes, and that really made me panic and stress more about it, or I can really just be like, Okay, I gotta adapt and try my best to, like, just move forward knowing that this is just a permanent part of my life now. And so I think that was one of the changes, like, that’s probably one of the the biggest sort of like, changes that’s happened in my abilities, is just like, having that change to my the way I hear things, because there’s just a constant ring now all the time i. That has, has helped me to kind of go through that process of, like, that sort of like, shock and like, Oh my God, what’s happening, and then surrendering and accepting and and being like, Okay, well, this is, this is just the way that it is. And there’s certain like things that I need now, like, I have to wear earplugs when I go to loud places, because if I have any more hearing loss, it’s going to make it worse and and so, you know, just trying to adapt to that change as well, which, yeah, was really scary at first.

Ivy:
Yeah, thank you for sharing so the tools that you talked about earlier, those are things that you use during that time where you went through the initial shock,

Summer:
yeah, I think, Well, I think I really spiraled. I don’t think I used my tools very well, to be honest with you, I think I went into fix it mode, which I think is really common. I went into, like, I need to research this. I need to fix this. I need to, like, you know, and so, and then when I there are certain things I could do, but it’s not, it’s not that bad that I would need to do those things. But I just remember, I think it was actually, like, on some sort of forum I went on for people with tinnitus, and I was like, reading, and some guy was just said, like, you just need to actually just go out and live your life and try to ignore it as best you can, and then you just it starts to become part of the background. And I was like, okay, that’s what I’m gonna do. So he was like, get off these forums. Stop researching it. Like you’re just, you’re causing yourself to spiral more. And so I don’t think I used my tools very well in that, in that initial, like month, I think I was in fix it mode, and I was in, like, I’m going to research this, I’m going to try and fix this. And then once I sort of understood that this was just a permanent thing, then then I was able to move, move into acceptance, and if I ever noticed myself sort of panicking about it, then I was more apt to use my tools because I was in a better frame of mind about it. But yeah, it’s a lesson. Not, I’m not perfect with my tools.

Ivy:
Yeah, no, I actually love that, like you’re the candor of that, because I think that we need to understand that more, right? I think that’s part of the process, like even in talking about aging, is that you are going to go through that like those shock moments, or those moments of like, just discomfort or even grief. That’s another conversation grief around you know, losing your youth or or maybe losing abilities or a certain identity or whatever you used to see in the mirror, like all those things, right? And that I do think it’s important to go through those stages of being, you know, maybe angry, frustrated, sad, grief, so that you can process them, right? Because I think it’s kind of bullshitting yourself, which I say, I don’t bullshit myself. I said I’m bullshit myself, or, God, those are the two things. I say. It’s like, because it’s kind of pointless, right? Just be honest and be like, I don’t like this. I’m very upset. I’m very whatever. And like, take the time to go through that so that you can move on. But if you, like, fake it like, Oh no, I’m good. I’m I’m mindful, you know, whatever minutes you’re just gonna be stuck, or you’re gonna come back to it like, you know, more often, I guess.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That makes, that makes perfect sense. I think that grief cycle and, like, being mindful of self blame. Because I think with changes that happen as you age. I think sometimes you can blame yourself, like you can come back to I shouldn’t have done those things. I shouldn’t have done that when I was younger, or I shouldn’t have, you know, whatever it is that you’re sort of thinking that might have changed the course of your future, but I think a lot of the time it’s like we, we probably didn’t it was we were probably going to whatever happened to us was probably going to happen regardless of those choices that we made. And like, even if the choices that you made potentially influenced what you’re experiencing, like, finding forgiveness in that and knowing that, like, Well, you probably just did the best you could with the information that you had. And so trying to let go of that self blame, because that can be a dangerous place to be into is beating yourself up for, for you know what, what changes your body has experienced, or what abilities you’ve you’ve potentially lost?

Ivy:
Yeah, good point. Yeah.

Summer:
Well, I feel like we should wrap this conversation up. I feel like we’ve talked about everything that we want us to talk about, pretty much. Is there anything that you want to say? To close it out,

Ivy:
I just want to say I appreciate having a conversation with you. I feel like we have covered a gamut of things, and it’s really good material. I look forward to going back and listening to it, and I invite more people who are listening to have these conversations more, because, like we said, I don’t think they’re out there enough, so definitely spark it in your spaces. You know, share this conversation with other folks so that we can help people start to feel peaceful and powerful in their aging journey.

Summer:
Yes, I love that, and so I know we were going to talk about where people can can potentially. Work with us or find any of the free resources that we have. Do you want to list off some of yours first, and then I’ll list off mine?

Ivy:
You can always just start at Ivy, felicia.com for me, which I’m sure it’ll be in both of our our show notes there you can find, I have an ebook that you can start with. Um, if you want to start there, I also have, perhaps by the time you listen to this episode, I will have launched I have an inclusive and accessible and affirming wellness space. So as a person who’s a certified wellness coach, I have now a membership space where we’re exploring wellness from this very liberating perspective, right? So what does it look like to take care of our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well being without being led by diet, culture and ableism and oppression, right? So we’re just re imagining wellness from a new space. So I’m excited about that you’re welcome to come over there and join us.

Summer:
Amazing. I love it. So I’ve loved this conversation. And if people want to learn more, you can go to the body image coach com.

So that’s where I have a lot of free resources. I have a 10 day body confidence makeover. I have a podcast with over 300 something episodes now, so there’s a lot of resources there and and some limited ways to work with me right now, because I’m going to be doing private practice for my practicum. But if you are interested in working with me, you can find information on my website, and my email list is the best place to do that too. And then I also teach practice providers how to support their clients with body image. And so that’s all available on my website too. So yeah, I’ll link in the show notes. And it’s been so lovely chatting with you. I really loved this conversation, and thank you for everything that you shared today. It was great.

Ivy:
Yeah, thank you for agreeing to do this with me. It’s wonderful to look back and reflect on where we’ve come in our personal journeys and our body relationship, and hopefully it supports other people as well.

Summer:
Beautiful. Thank you, Ivy.

That was another really great conversation. I’m so glad we got to dive into all of those things. You can find the links mentioned at Summer in an end. Com, forward slash 324,

don’t forget, if you have the financial means to do so, you can support the show via ko fi, that’s k, O, dash, F, i.com forward slash summer in N for as little as $5 a month, you can financially support this podcast, keep it on the air and get a free copy of my mini course conquering negative body talk. I think something like that, something about working through negative thoughts about your body. I can’t remember what I titled it. All right. Thank you so much for being here today. I will talk to you next time. Rock on.

I’m Summer innan, and I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer innan, and if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts, search, eat the rules and subscribe, rate and review this show. I would be so grateful until next time, rock on you.