This is one of my clients who worked with me during the You, On Fire program and she is talking about how she struggled with her weight for over four decades and even went through two weight loss surgeries to find herself still feeling hatred and shame about her body. She talks about how she had had enough being in that cycle of weight loss and gain and how she was able to move to a place of acceptance with her body where she feels much more at peace.

You, On Fire is the online group coaching program that gives you a step-by-step way of building up self-worth beyond your jean size with personalized coaching from me and lifetime access to the program—so you can break out of the diet culture cage, get free from body shame and live your fiery, free, untamed life.

Go here to get all the details and get on the waitlist for the upcoming cycle>>

Janine:
I have a new mantra for myself, which is diets don’t work and I’m not wasting another minute of my life dieting and starving myself and feeling lousy about how I look. I just want to live my life. And that’s where I am now.

Summer:
This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image, self worth, anti dieting, and intersectional feminism. I am your host summer Innanen. a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence and the best selling author of body image remix. If you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This episode of eat the rules is brought to you by you on fire you on fire is the online group coaching program that I run that gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your appearance, with personalized coaching from me incredible community support and lifetime access to the program so that you can get free from body shame and live life on your own terms. Get details on what’s included and sign up for the next cycle at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d love to have you in that group.

This is episode 287. And I’m sharing the story of Janine who was one of the incredible women who worked with me and my You On Fire Program. She’s talking about how she struggled with her weight for over four decades and was constantly on that weight loss and then weight gain cycle and even went through two weight loss surgeries. Still to find herself feeling hatred and shame about her body. She talks about how she had had enough of being in that cycle of weight loss and gain. And she had had enough of feeling like a failure, and how she was able to move to a place of acceptance with her body. You can find the links mentioned in this episode at summer innanen.com forward slash 287. I want to give a shout out to Zeff Barbie who left this review I love this podcast so much it’s so inspiring and motivational and I feel like I always take away so much. Summer is very well spoken and informed. And I believe this is a podcast all women of all ages should listen to thank you so much. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that kind review. It means the world to me, you can leave a review for the show by going to Apple podcasts, search for eat the rules, then click ratings and reviews and click to leave a review or give it a rating. You can also subscribe to the show via whatever platform you use. I just did my Spotify wrapped for podcasters. And I see that I am the number one podcast for 100 people feels like a big deal to me. So thank you if you’re one of those people, please share it with me. And I think I’m in the top 10 For like, I can’t remember the number anyways, I was it was I was like oh wow, that’s really cool. I had no idea because I’m extremely critical of myself. Anyways says the boost I needed.

And don’t forget to grab the free 10 Day body confidence makeover at summer innanen.com. Forward slash freebies with the 10 steps to take right now to feel better in your body. If you are a professional who works with people who may also have body image struggles, I have a different resource for you. I have a separate email list where I send out advice and resources for other professionals. And you can also grab a free body image coaching roadmap for to use to help yourself figure out how you can work with clients around body image. You can get that at summer innanen.com forward slash roadmap.

Last Episode Episode 286. We met up with Sam and Sam was also in my you ON FIRE program. I talked a little bit about the you on fire program at the beginning of that episode. I don’t want to do too much repetition. But what I will say is that, you know, I’ve been running this program for I think I’ve calculated since 2015. So yowzers I’ve probably changed a lot. I think that programs really improved in that period of time. But anyways, I’ve been doing it a long ass time. And I’ve had hundreds of people go through it. And it’s really quite amazing what can happen when you dedicate some time and energy to building up your sense of self worth beyond how you look. It really is a course around self worth. But it’s centered around the issue of body image because most of the people come to me with that as the thing that’s really presenting is that they feel a lot of shame in their body and they hate their body. But that’s a product of having our self worth being tied to how we look. And so all the work in the program is really centered around divesting. Your sense of self worth from how we look and building up our sense of self worth through self compassion, and understanding our identity and who we are and what our values are and what our purpose is, and how to unhook from external validation, and how to really care for our whole selves. And so I just, I just love it. And it’s amazing to me that I’ve been doing it for this long and it still holds up. So I hope that you check it out if you’re looking for some more support. And I’d love absolutely love to be your coach and you can get more information there at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire.

I am extremely grateful for Janine being a part of today’s episode when Janine landed in my inbox about a year and a half ago, she really doubted that I would be able to help her but there was a part of her that was like questioning like, Should I do this, but there was also a part of her that was like, this is just going to be another thing that I try, and it’s not going to work. And I think we can all relate to that feeling, because that’s what dieting is, and dieting set up that way for a reason. Because the diet industry wouldn’t be worth however, many billions of dollars, it’s worth if it worked, right. And so that is the difference between doing this work is that this work actually sets you up for the rest of your life. And, yeah, sure, you might want to revisit these things. Because we could all use more self compassion in our life, we could all use more self affirmation. But there is no failure when you make the decision to accept yourself and validate yourself and feel comfortable in your body. And to know you’re good enough, regardless of what other people think. And to really turn down that negative voice in your head, you’ve got so much time and energy back. And so I’m really grateful for Janine sharing her story, because I think it’s one of those stories that needs to be shared, because as you’ll hear her talk about, she really just was at a place where she didn’t know what to do. And I won’t spill anything else. Because otherwise I’m just giving away a real story. So let’s get on to it. And if you want to hear more stories, like jeans, then check the show notes for this episode. And you’ll find other links to interviews that I’ve done. I’ve done so many of them. Now, I don’t even know the total. I also have a YouTube channel with a video versions of of many of these stories as well. And the video version of this one will be available in the show notes at summer innanen.com. Forward slash 287. Let’s get started with the show.

Hi, Janine, welcome to the show.

Janine:
Hi, thank you. Thank you for having me.

Summer:
Thank you so much for being here. It’s such a special moment for me to have this time with you and to be able to see you face to face here.

Janine:
I know after all this time, this is wonderful.

Summer:
I know. So tell everybody just a little bit about who you are.

Janine:
I am I just turned 56 On Friday, and I am originally from Vancouver, Canada. But I married my American husband about 25 years ago and moved to North Carolina. I’m a teacher by training elementary school teacher by training, but I now own my own business work out of my house. I have two boys a 17 year old and a 20 year old, my 20 year old has autism. So that’s partly why I started a business with so that I can be home and available for him. And I have three dogs and two cats and chickens and just having fun living my life.

Summer:
That’s great. Lots of things to look after. I love it.

Janine:
Yeah, maybe too many things to look after.

Summer:
Yeah, sometimes, right? So why don’t you tell everybody a little bit about what your what your struggles were like with your with your body before we started working together.

Janine:
I started dieting when I was about nine years old. That’s when I started putting on weight. We moved to a different city and I had no friends and I didn’t spend as much time outside because it was we lived in the city downtown. And it’s just a scary place to be. So I started eating to compensate and not getting the same kind of exercise and activity that I’d had before. And so I started putting on weight. And I became the chubby kid at school. And that stuck with me for probably about 10 or 11 years until I hit my 20s and finally started to lose the weight and get into a smaller size body. Then I got married and had kids and my body started changing again and I couldn’t control it anymore. And it wasn’t the healthiest way I was trying to control it in the past. So you know, I couldn’t do that in my 30s and 40s as a mom that just something in me changed and so I started to let myself get bigger and it got to the point where I got bigger than I’d ever thought I would get so and just that and that the whole yo yoing thing, I spent those 45 years punishing myself and trying to lose weight and then gaining the weight and hating myself again. And you know, it was just that yo yoing thing was probably the worst experience was just feeling like a failure and never being able to maintain one or the other. I couldn’t stay big and I couldn’t stay small. And I hated myself for both. Yeah. And so what happened after that, I decided to have weight loss surgery. And I spent a year in a weight loss surgery pre weight loss surgery program, they required us to lose a certain percentage of our body fat. And I was able to do that I was very strict with my diet, starved myself and finally reached that point where they said, Okay, you’re you’re ago and they greenlit the surgery. And I had one procedure. And a year later, I started to have I did lose a significant amount of weight. But I started to have complications with that surgery. So they said, well, we better take you in and revise you and do the other surgery, a different type of surgery, bypass surgery. So that’s what happened a year later. And it did cure the complications. And I thought it would also mean that I would never be big again. But about six months, seven months after that surgery, I started to find myself hungrier than I had been. And I just wasn’t in that emotional place that I needed to be I thought to maintain my weight. So I was eating for emotional reasons. And oh, at least I thought they were emotional reasons. And the truth of the matter was, I was just starving. You know, I be eating 400 800 calories a day for a year and a half. And I was mentally and physically starving for food. So I started to gain the weight. And that was a horrible, horrible feeling after going through two surgeries, two weight loss surgeries, and the recovery of that I just felt like I was a lost cause. And I hated myself. I was so ashamed. Oh, the shame was terrible. So and then it was at about that point that I saw, my sister mentioned something about you, my sister’s, a psychologist in Vancouver, and she had seen something that you had done. And she said, Why don’t you contact this lady?

Summer:
Oh, well, I don’t think I knew that.

Janine:
Oh, yeah. And so you had put out I forget what it was called. But it was like, anybody could sign up. And it was about an hour long. And you talked a little bit about this journey, and this program that you offer. And I really loved the sound of it. But I thought this isn’t going to work for me because nothing has worked for me the surgeries didn’t work for me. And a lifetime of dieting didn’t work for me. So I don’t think this program is going to work for me. But I was so desperate that I reached out to you. And you kind of said, well, you know, I can’t make any promises. But I think this might be a great fit that you might get some things out of this program. And so I took a chance and dove in and here we were,

Summer:
I remember that. I remember. Yeah, cuz I, I would never promise anything, I think. And I remember saying like, you know, this after four weeks, like, it’s not like that’s, you know, you can have your money back and it’s totally fine. I always want to do what’s best for you. But I really I find it amazing that at that point, you did take that chance because you you know, hearing your story now, like you’ve been through so much, it’s really hard to kind of say like, Okay, I’m gonna put that like that weight loss journey has been sort of your focus for, you know, decades, like four plus, to say, Okay, I’m gonna put that down. Like, I imagine there must have been a lot of fear around that.

Janine:
Yeah, it was fear of failing at something again, and, and fear of not knowing exactly what it would require of me, you know, having been through that starvation for so long, I was afraid that there was going to be some emotional component that I just couldn’t live up to. And I remember telling my husband, I said, you know, I’ve been through the surgeries and all these years of suffering, and not to sound dramatic, but I mean, it really was suffering to constantly starve and, and I said, I just I know, it’s something I have to try, you know, and there were some barriers. I thought that I you know, I can’t do this. I don’t have the time to do this. I don’t have the time to put into myself and then I just thought, That’s ridiculous. I do have time I have to make time and I just have to go for it.

Summer:
So yeah, and So what were some of the things that really helped you along the way?

Janine:
I think a big thing for me it was the whole doppelganger concept. Yeah, like your inner critic. Yeah, I had been that 12 year old girl, that 10 year old girl who hated herself, my whole adult life. And so coming to recognize that was really a pivotal moment. And I realized I’m not that 10 or 12 year old girl anymore, I’m a grown woman and I can take care of myself and I can be compassionate with myself. And, and so that was, that was huge, because there was also mixed in with that girl, were those Mean Girls in middle school, who made fun of my weight, and who treated me a little differently because I was in a chubby body. And so they were part of that doppelganger, feeling afraid and feeling that self loathing, and I’m ironically, still friends with those girls to to this day, but they’ve changed. And they’ve grown up, and I quite like them now. And I realized, you know, with my doppelganger, if I can like them, I should be able to like me. Wow. So that that was a huge thing was just recognizing that I don’t have to be that person anymore inside. And another thing that was really helpful was the big should, as I always felt like, I shouldn’t be thinner, I should be littler. I shouldn’t eat this, I shouldn’t do that. And I just realized, if I had six weeks left to live, would I do the things that I should do? Or would I do the things that really matter to me, like being with my family, being with my kids, enjoying my pets, enjoying life and eating the things that I had not let myself eat and just enjoying, like, enjoying the moments. So that was also another pivotal sort of part of the program for me was the big should dump, getting rid of those shirts.

Summer:
Yeah, I really liked how you framed it up there, though, in terms of like, if I had six weeks left to live, what I do my sheds, or what I do, you know, things I want to do. And I feel like that’s a, that’s a helpful additional layer to, to that exercise. In that perspective, that’s really good.

Janine:
Well, then it kind of played off with that other part of the program, where you had us look at what things are more important to you than, than your body. And again, it was like, my children are more important to me, my husband is more important to me, I’m more important to me than my body.

Summer:
So beautiful. And so are there any specific things that you’ve noticed change for you, like, in terms of how you feel in your body?

Janine:
Yeah, I wasn’t going to say this, but I got angry, I got, you know, I feel angry that I wasted all of these years, you know, if I can say fucking pissed off at the world, for having this mentality, and that myself even a little bit for for falling for it. And you know, that’s been a really liberating sort of changed to go through. And I, it’s helped me to feel more comfortable with myself, because I just sort of feel like, well, to hell with everybody. I don’t care anymore. I’m in a bigger body. And that’s the way it is. And I’m not going to try to hide it anymore. And I’m not going to hate myself for it. So I don’t know, I’ve kind of lost track of whether that answers your question.

Summer:
Yeah, well, I think I think it absolutely does. Were there any other Were there any other like highlight moments for you, or things that you were able to kind of do or experience that stand out to you?

Janine:
You had us do something daring. And that daring thing that I chose to do was to wear a shirt that didn’t cover my stomach, I have always worn bigger shirts, longer shirts, trying to hide my butt and my stomach, because those are two parts of my body that I had not appreciated. And the first time that I wore a shirt that showed my belly, I thought I’m going to take a picture of myself. And not only did I take a picture of myself, which was kind of horrifying, because I don’t like seeing pictures of myself typically. But I then posted that picture of myself on my Facebook page. And nobody really said anything. Nobody except Oh, look at you, you look beautiful. And but nobody said oh my god your stomach. And that’s what I was so afraid. So that daring thing kind of changed me feeling like I don’t need to hide my body. I’m not fooling anyone anyways, you can tell I still have a bigger butt and a bigger stomach. So I might as well wear things that look flattering as opposed to hide, hiding myself. So that was that was a pivotal moment as well.

Summer:
Yeah. And I feel like if you don’t mind me sharing this, I can always kind of difficult to. I feel like you’re still kind of doing that now because I remember it wasn’t it was maybe about a month ago or so that you posted a picture of yourself in our group and just saying that you let your husband take a picture of You I think it was if I’m recalling that correctly. Yeah, yeah. Great. So what does it feel like now to be in this place where you feel like you’re in a better position with your relationship with your body?

Janine:
It’s really freeing. I mean, I’m not going to say that I feel happy and sunshine all the time, I still sometimes feel insecurities. And I still sometimes think, oh, you know, it would be nice to be in a smaller body. But overall, I don’t waste time worrying about what other people are thinking of me for the most part, and I don’t waste time worrying about what I think of me. You know, I’m just, I’m less critical and less harsh, and more self compassionate. And I just feel this liberation, finally, of what’s really important is how I feel and not how I look. And of course, you know, we all want to look nice, or we all want to look our best or, but I don’t have preconceived notions. Now, what that should be it just, this is what it is.

Summer:
Yeah, amazing. When you think back, like when you, you know, back to, I can’t remember when it was that you started, whether it was like a year and a half ago, or something like that, when it was when you did send me that email, if you think back to like yourself, and would you believe where you’ve gotten? I’m just curious.

Janine:
No. And that was one of the other things that really floored me was you had us do an inventory of how we were feeling and what we felt about this and thought about that. And, and I scored it in the beginning. And I thought, yeah, that seems about right. I don’t feel very good about myself. And then at the end of the program, three months later, four months later, when I did the inventory again, I was shocked to see, and I you know, I thought I was being very honest with my answers. But I was shocked to see, wow, I really do feel better. I really do think differently. I have a new framework and a new, I have a new mantra for myself, which is diets don’t work. And I’m not wasting another minute of my life, dieting and starving myself and feeling lousy about how I look, I just want to live my life. And that’s where I am now.

Summer:
So amazing. I love it. Now, I mean, it’s been, it’s been so great to witness you go through that, that change. And, you know, like I said, when you first reached out, I was like, I think that we can work together and there will be elements of this that are helpful. And if not, then you know, that’s okay, we can cut ties.

Janine:
yeah, was so helpful. And it you know, it was the hardest work I think I’ve ever done on myself in my life. But it was so worth it.

Summer:
Yeah, that’s what I wanted to say is that, like, you put in a lot into this, and I’ve seen you put a lot into it and, and really worked on, you know, challenging these beliefs and feeling the emotions and going through the ups and downs. And I think that that’s something really to be proud of, because the commitment to, to, you know, showing up for yourself and being like, you know, I am gonna really do this work because, you know, I am worthy of of this. It’s not easy. And so I think, you know, it takes a lot of courage, especially knowing what you’ve been through coming into this. It takes a lot of courage takes a lot of determination. And and yeah, it’s just, it’s so great to see, to see where you are now. And I feel like you’re such a champion for the other people in the group now, which is like, so, so amazing. I love I love that you play that role.

Janine:
Well, thank you, I just see myself my past self and a lot of the things that other people say and worry about. And you know, I just want to reach through and give them a hug. And you know, and I think it should be said that, you know, the three month program or however long people spend doing the actual work isn’t the end of it, you know, you keep going and you keep having to revisit, like I’ve looked back at the notes and thought oh, yeah, I’ve I’ve kind of forgotten about that. And, you know, I just keep going, it takes constant work to get over this diet mentality in this diet culture. You’ve got to be on your toes all the time, because you’re bombarded with those messages all the time. And so it’s not the end of the program. It’s the beginning of your life.

Summer:
Yeah. Wow. I love that. What’s one piece of advice that you have for people listening today?

Janine:
Definitely just be self compassionate. You know, don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t Don’t be your worst enemy. You know, you have to be your best friend and you have to look after yourself and you have to you have to have a love for the kind of person you are and the kinds of things that you do every day to get through life. So self compassion is is huge.

Summer:
Yeah, beautiful. Amazing. Anything else you want to add before we wrap it up here,

Janine:
I just want to thank you for, for doing this kind of work, you’re an absolute natural of what you do. And you all always have such great advice. And the things you say makes so much sense that even when I didn’t believe those things, I believe, too. And that really made a big difference for me. So thank you all.

Summer:
Thank you so much, Janine. It’s been such a pleasure. And I’m so grateful that we got to connect and share your story here today. As I said, like, you, you’re like this beacon of light in the group. I feel like you’re like such an encourager, and, and it’s like, it’s just so amazing to see, to see that and to see how far you’ve come and, and to continue to see where you go. Because like you said, it’s like a, it’s like, you know, kind of like a new you know, you said the beginning of your life, but it could just be like, you know, next another phase of your life or whatever it is for for each person individually. But I’m so glad that that, that your sister recommended me to meet you. And I’m so grateful that things have have worked out well for you.

Janine:
Yes, thank you. I’m grateful too.

Summer:
Thank you so much for being here.

All right, I hope you were equally as amazed by Janine story, and just so appreciative of her vulnerability and willingness to to share her story. I’ve worked with several people who’ve had weight loss surgery, who ended up gaining the majority of the weight back, which is normal. It’s a normal statistic that they don’t talk about. And that’s in addition to a lot of the complications that can happen from weight loss surgery. And so I really am grateful that she wanted to share her story today. I’m just blown away by the place that she’s in now with herself and her body. And I hope it gives you hope, I hope it inspires you. And as I said, if you want to take the next step and work with me as well go to summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire, to get all the details get on the waitlist and hear about when the program is going to open in the new year. In addition to that, you can find the links mentioned in this podcast at summer innanen.com forward slash 287. I hope that the end of this year brings you peace and joy. And that next year is a better year for everybody in this world. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here. I’ll talk to you again in 2024 Rock on.

I’m Summer Innanen. And I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer Innanen. And if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts search eat the rules and subscribe rate and review this show. I would be so grateful. Until next time, rock on.

Don’t forget, I’m on iTunes! You can be one of my kick-ass subscribers. Also, I would be SO GRATEFUL if you took 2 minutes to leave a review. Go here -> click “Reviews and Ratings” and then “Click to Rate”.