These are two of my clients who worked with me during the You, On Fire program and they are here to show you that it is possible to go from obsessing over food and hating your body, to no longer fretting about your reflection and having so much more confidence in who you are outside of how you look.

You, On Fire is the online group coaching program that gives you a step-by-step way of building up self-worth beyond your jean size with personalized coaching from me and lifetime access to the program—so you can break out of the diet culture cage, get free from body shame and live your fiery, free, untamed life.

Go here to get all the details and get on the waitlist for the upcoming cycle>>

Rosie talks about how, “as far back as I can remember, I’ve always struggled with my body image. I have really early memories of being ashamed of my body and being uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like I’ve lived with that my whole life.”

She had done a lot of work on herself over the years in therapy and other coaching and she felt like she’d come a long way, but body image was still a struggle and she needed something more specific to help her work on it.

Since joining You, On Fire, she’s identified that her issues are not actually about her body, but this is what she latches onto.

She’s learned how to be self-compassionate and identify what she really values. She’s also been able to tap into the activism piece of this to help inspire her and realize she is a part of something bigger.

She was able to rethink how she looks at health and she realized that the most unhealthy thing about her life had been my inner critic.

She says, “I’m more gentle with myself now. I don’t need to be attractive to others and that’s not my purpose.”

She says, “Another thing I’ve been exploring since the program is movement that feels good and what my body really needs. I’m more relaxed about it and it’s OK if I’m not going to the gym or doing rigid workouts.”

Some specific things she’s noticed is that, “I’ve left the house without checking what I look like because I haven’t been thinking about it. That seems small, but it’s not because it’s something I always did.”

She talks about how she used to go to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror when she was out and it would make or break her. Now, she doesn’t do that and she can just see herself with neutrality. If she does get negative thoughts, she can respond to them and talk herself out of it.

She also went coasteering (when you climb up cliffs and jump into the ocean) which is something she never thought she’d do.

She says “I was feeling the power of my body and the strength and that I could take that leap. It made me really proud. These moments help you build up trust with yourself and think about yourself in a different way.”

Overall, she says “It feels really good. It’s a long path and it’s not a linear thing. It feels nice because I’m on that path now and it will continue to get better. I feel like I’ve got my own back on it. I can treat myself like my friend. Rather than being at war with myself, I can support myself through it. I have a more compassionate relationship with myself.”

She also says, “I tried to do it on my own, but it wasn’t going to happen. Finding Summer’s program and the community to help me through it is something I’m so grateful for.”

Asya is a writer, speech therapist and mom to 3 kids. Her biggest frustration with her body was comparing it to others – especially at the gym. She loved the dance classes at her gym, but all she could think about was what was wrong with her body and how it compared to others and what others were thinking of her.

She says, “I was so cluttered by thoughts of comparing myself and that’s all I could think about. I couldn’t enjoy the dancing part anymore.”

She wanted to be able to enjoy something that she loved so much.

After joining You, On Fire, she says, “The biggest lightbulb moment was realizing that my body and my value are totally separate. I honestly didn’t know this before.”

Now, she says, “I have ups and downs. I have moments where I think, OMG I’m good, I don’t have these thoughts anymore. Then there are times where I have negative thoughts, but now I have a rebuttal. I have a way to respond to them and I don’t need to believe them. The difference is that I don’t go down the same black hole that I used to.”

She says, “I am compassionate with myself now and that’s something I didn’t have before.”

When speaking about the program she says, “I really valued the coaching calls because you held me accountable.”

She talks about how there are some a-ha moments but they build on each other and then you notice that you start to feel different.

Overall, she says that, “It’s freed up so much mental space. All that mental space is cleared out and I’m able to enjoy my dance classes. I think it’s made me fitter because I’m in the workout now instead of critiquing myself.”

She also says, “Join the program. Do not hesitate. And then join the calls – they are so valuable. It’s amazing to hear other people’s thoughts because you realize you’re not the only one.”

Summer:
This episode of eat the rules is brought to you by you on fire you on fire is the online group coaching program that I run that gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your appearance. With personalized coaching from me incredible community support and lifetime access to the program so that you can get free from body shame and live life on your own terms. Get details on what’s included and sign up for the next cycle at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d love to have you in that group. This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image self worth, anti dieting, and intersectional feminism. I am your host summer Innanen. a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence and the best selling author of body image remix. If you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This is episode 254. And it’s the first part of a two part episode where I’m sharing stories of two incredible women that I worked with over the past few months in my You On FIRE program. I love sharing these stories and I’m super excited to get into this episode with you today. You can find all the links and resources mentioned at summer innanen.com forward slash 254. First I want to give a shout out to Ivery the rd that left this review wonderful body image podcast as an eating disorder hazed dietitian. I love this podcast for myself and clients. I love love, love the body image series the short, concise and tangible episodes. Thanks for sharing these important messages. Thank you so much. I really really appreciate that review, especially not especially but I love when it comes from another professional as well because that just feels good for me personally. But all the reviews feel good for me personally. Leaving a review helps others to find the show and the information that you’re learning here. So you can do that help spread the word, go to Apple podcasts or iTunes or whatever they’re calling it, search for eight the rules, then click ratings and reviews and click to leave a review. You can also subscribe to this show via whatever platform you use. That’s a really helpful way to support the show. If you haven’t already done so grab the free tenday body confidence makeover at summer innanen.com forward slash freebies with 10 steps to take right now to feel better in your body. And if you are a provider or professional who helps people with body image struggles as well, then you can grab my free body image coaching roadmap for professionals at summer innanen.com forward slash roadmap. I love doing these spotlight episodes, I find it to be just so amazing to hear other people’s stories. I know I share a lot of stories on the podcast from other professionals when we’re doing it when I’m doing the interviews. However, I think it’s really important to hear from everyday people just like you who are trying to do this work and you know, going through the ups and downs of working towards accepting their body. And I know that you can absolutely relate to them. And I hope that they give you a sense of hope that it is possible to change the way you feel about your body and to feel more neutral in your body. No matter what age or size or background do you have. My you ON FIRE program is an online group coaching program that I’ve been running now for, oh my gosh, like seven years maybe used to be called rock your body like way, way, way back in the day change to you on fire and 2017. It’s just this incredible program and community that has been created over the years. That gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your gene size. I get to know everyone in the program personally through the coaching calls, we have an incredibly supportive community, you get lifetime access to the program, which has a ton of content and bonuses in it. And it’s really designed to help you get free from body shame and develop tools to build up your sense of self worth so that you know that your value goes way beyond how you look, which is going to serve you for the rest of your life. And that’s what I love so much about the program is that the tools that you learn in the program you can use for the rest of your life. They’re not just specifically related to your body they’re related to how can I change the way that I speak to myself? How can I show myself that I matter? How can I really be aligned to my values and my purpose in order to live the life If that I want, so you can get more information about the program, sign up for the waitlist at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire, I absolutely love to have you in the group, you can always just email me too, if you want to chat about the program, see if it’s a good fit for you. Or if you’re really keen on on joining, then yeah, get in touch with me, we can see what we can make happen. I know that there can be a lot of hesitations towards doing this work, it’s so much easier to kind of stick with what we know. But I will tell you that there’s discomfort either way, right? If we kind of stay in the same pattern, we stay in the same place in the same cycle, there’s discomfort there. If we take a leap, and we really move towards, okay, I’m going to work on trusting myself, I’m going to be really intentional about working on accepting myself being kinder to myself, that can feel scary, too, because we’re letting go of old habits and behaviors. And we’ve been conditioned to think that like, really bad things are gonna happen if we actually trust ourselves, and if we accept our body, and honestly, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And that’s another reason why I share a story is because like, I really don’t know anyone who’s done this and been like, I feel worse now like that. You’re going to feel better about yourself dieting doesn’t make us feel better about ourselves. And we really free up so much more mental space so that you can just fully experience life and do the things that you want to do. And I just love the people in the program. I absolutely love working with them. And so let’s get into the first story today. Today I am going to share with you, Rosie’s story. Here we go.

Hi, Rosie, welcome to the show.

Rosie:
I saw how are you?

Summer:
I’ve got it’s so nice to see you. I’m so happy to have you here today. Why don’t you start out by telling everyone just a little bit about who you are. Where you live? That type of thing.

Rosie:
Yeah, sure. So my name is Rosie, and I live in Bristol. And it’s very cool, isn’t it? UK. And I live with my partner and my hubby. And I work in public health. And but I do quite a lot of acting in my spare time as well. So that’s my sort of love really is is acting. But yeah, not much money now, unfortunately. So I have a have a day job. Yeah, that’s

Summer:
so cool. That’s great. I feel like I remember you saying that ones. But I totally I totally I forgot that about you. So that’s Yeah, that’s really fun. And so tell me a little bit about like, what your frustrations were with your body before we started working together? Yeah, I

Rosie:
was thinking about this, I think. I think I’ve always as long as far back as I can remember, I’ve always struggled with my body image. Really early memories from being a child being ashamed of my body bit when it despite it being very uncomfortable in my own skin. Yeah, just just kind of, I feel like I’ve lived with that my whole life really, even as a child. I don’t remember a time when I just felt comfortable ever. I think over the years, I’ve just always struggled with it and felt sort of had had a real issue about it. And partly worried about weight, but also just my general appearance. You know, it’s not just about weight me. And I think yeah, my weight sort of fluctuated, but I’ve never been, I’ve not ever been like a big Dieter, really, or not in this sense of the word that I would have associated with dieting before. Definitely unhealthy relationship with food and unhealthy relationship with my body. But I wouldn’t have sort of, you know how a lot of the time we talked about people who’ve been on every diet and tried lots of different things. And I’m not really one of those people. But I think I’ve just always struggled with my self image and just not being comfortable in my body, preparing myself other people feeling very aware of myself all the time. It’s kind of been something that has affected me most of my life. Really?

Summer:
Yeah. And so what, like, what made you decide to want to change that? Like, was there anything that sort of happened that made you realize, like, oh, I don’t have to feel this way, or like, I don’t want to feel this way anymore? Like what sort of happened for you there?

Rosie:
Yeah, I think it’s been it’s been a number of things. I’ve done quite a lot of work on myself. Over the last few years I had married and I had a breakup, and that sort of put me in therapy and I did quite a lot of work in therapy. And I found sort of other coaching since I’ve got another coach apart from me, so I hope that’s okay. That’s awesome. Steph, and she’s amazing as well like you. And so I’ve done quite a lot of work on myself over the last few years, I guess. And I feel like I’ve come a long way in accepting myself more and being more gentle with myself but I felt like body image like sort of like the last piece of the puzzle for me that I still just couldn’t get past with all the other stuff that I’ve done and I needed something specifically about this to try and work on that because Has it felt like that was the sort of thing that I kept coming back to. And I think what I’ve identified through this work really is that it’s actually nothing to do with my body. It’s just that that’s the easy thing that it latches on to, because it’s something that maybe I perceived that I could have some more control over than, than other things in my life. And it’s almost like, sort of nebulous thing, but it returns to, because at the time in my life, when I have been at my thinnest, which, not coincidentally, is often been at the times where my life is falling apart. So when my marriage was breaking up, I lost a lot of weight, you know, very, very, comparatively, you know, a lot thinner than I have been. And I got loads of comments about how great I look. As, as happens, and I was like, I’ve literally living off sort of interview Chris and red wine and hummus and having a terrible time. But, you know, I fitted more into that sort of stereotype of, you know, this, this sort of crazy pursuit of thinness we have sort of kind of piecemeal, but that has an eye but yeah, I think that I sort of identified that I just needed to do something specific about body image and about how I felt about myself with my own skin. So that was kind of what brought me to that. I think I’ve been thinking about it for quite a long time. But I’ve never really realized that I didn’t know you existed, getting this idea. You know, I didn’t I’ve never really thought about it being something specific that you’d do a program like this, I guess. Yeah, I sort of looked into some things about self acceptance. But I think it was just it was something specific, sort of last piece of the puzzle, I guess. But I felt like I needed to do and then yeah, I don’t even know, I was thinking about this the other day, like, how did I find you? And I don’t even know if I think you just slightly dropped into my life like this anti diet Angel. And suddenly, you were there just at the right time when I was kind of thinking about some of this stuff. And I sort of put it off for a bit and I kind of read your emails, I looked you up and listen to your podcast, a bit more. And then I was speaking to my partner about it. And he was just like, I really think you should do it. Because it you keep coming back to it. You keep bringing it up, you’re obviously something is in your gut is pulling you towards this, this program. So yeah,

Summer:
yeah. That’s so cool. Oh, that’s great. I love hearing that. And so what were some of the, like the stepping stones or things that really helped you along the way in this process?

Rosie:
Yeah, there are so many, how to pick them out, I think a lot of the work that I’ve been doing is around self compassion. And I think that’s one of the biggest parts of all of this work for years, I’ve always been so harsh on myself. And that’s it shows up in lots of different areas of my life, but particularly around how I feel about myself physically and what I think about what others are thinking about what I look like. So I think, you know, some of the stuff around being so passionate, and actually the one of the very early things about our sort of inner child and thinking about that, and one of your suggestions was a photograph of you as a child, and that was listed earlier might remember my my issues with this starting from when I was quite young. And so I’ve got a little photo of myself on my desk. And then when I get sort of bad feelings, or I have negative self talk, I can look at that photo, just try and nurture that part of myself. So that was a really good bit, I think as well, some of the stuff around kind of values. The activism stuff has really, really helped because sometimes I think I struggle to do it for me, but then thinking about tapping into something that’s bigger than me. And this is about being, you know, anti patriarchy and anti white supremacy and trying to get my head into that kind of zone sort of makes the work easier, because you’re not, it’s not just oh, I just want to feel better about myself, it’s thinking about being part of something bigger and better that’s important to society, you’re talking about that. And you’re sort of you know, your program is so great, because it is, you know, it talks about that sort of your intersectional feminism and all of that stuff, which I think pretty powerful. And then on the days when you’re struggling to sort of justify it to yourself, you can tap into that. And it’s that’s been really, really helpful for me. Another thing I remember really early on, in one of our coaching calls, I was talking about being vegan and staying about, you know, I tried to eat healthy. And you were like, you said something like so what, what does health mean to you? Yeah, blew my mind because, like, we were talking about it, and I was saying, you know, well, you know, this that I had all of these kinds of ideas about health even though I work in public health and I know you know about the wider determinants mental health but I’ve never applied it to myself in the same way and thought about actually the most unhealthy thing about my life has been my inner critic in lots of ways that’s the thing that’s kind of helped me by body hasn’t held me back from doing anything I’ve been you know, you know, again, I come from as you always say, come from a place of privilege in this you know, I do have the privilege don’t get discriminated against and, you know, in the same way as some others, so, and I am fit and healthy, you know, in a way that I can work, walk, I can do exercise I can do it hasn’t opened my physical body hasn’t held me back but my mental health theater by myself really has and think about health in that kind of different way of what would it be like to think about health in its widest sense, rather than just this kind of very narrow sense of health being about body, and therefore about thinness. Even though as we’ve established I was definitely not my healthiest when I was at my even if you’re just looking physical bit when I was at my thinnest in my life was when I was just not eating anything apart from red wine and crisps. So definitely not massively nutritious, and over exercising and you know, being quite obsessive about things. And having that constant voice in my head about not being good enough, but not being thin enough or not being beautiful enough. They’re just some of them, I think, as well, I remember you, one on one of your Instagram posts from them really stuck with me. And it was one where you had your cards up, and you were saying about like, it’s something like you’re not here on earth to give someone a boner. Whoever that was, and it obviously made me laugh. But also, it really struck a chord with me, because I think a lot of where it’s come from, for me has been about my needs to be seen as attractive by people, mostly. And I think that from a very early age I kind of from the people around me and from stuff that, you know, from my childhood, I sort of saw that as the primary goal in life is to be attractive and be thought of as sexually attracted by men, and how that has been framed my life. And, you know, the decisions I’ve made, you know, there’s lots in that. So I think as well, just being that, you know, awareness of, oh, I just, I don’t need to be attractive or considered attractive by anyone else. That isn’t what I’m here for. And I don’t need that. Which, you know, again, like, yeah, other people have said on the podcast, no, I don’t think I’m there yet. lately. It’s not like I’m just showing up here today as a finished being. But it’s really good to remind myself, that that’s not my purpose, and I don’t need the things attractive by strangers.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. I know. I know. It sounds ridiculous to say, but it is really true. And yeah, no, I appreciate everything that you that you said there about what’s been what’s been helpful call for you in this in this journey. So what specifically Sam, do you notice about how you feel in your body or about your body since since doing this work, like what’s what’s changed for you

Rosie:
think, sort of overwhelming sense be that I think I’m more gentle with myself in loads of different ways. I think another thing I’ve been exploring during the program is movement, or you’ve got a way of saying it, which I can’t remember what you say. But it’s basically like movement for pleasure, like movement for what feels good, rather than for the sort of outcome. And I’ve had to really sort of challenge this in myself, because I had a few like, Well, I do like the feeling I get when I get really hot and sweaty, and the endorphins afterwards, and all of that kind of stuff. Also, how much of that is a punishing regime to try and get to a certain point and use it as a kind of, if you don’t do this, then you can’t eat. Or if you do do this, then you can eat such and such or whatever. So exploring movement of just like actually what my body really needs right now is to go out for a walk. And sometimes what my body needs right now is to do a cardio workout, you know, get out some frustration or whatever. But it’s, I find that I’m just more relaxed about it. And if I’m not going to the gym as regularly, or I’m not doing as much work as many workouts, then that’s okay. And I don’t feel as stressed about it. And yeah, I mean, there are times, I think it’s funny with this work, because I remember you saying that, it’s not always the big things that you said, it’s not always things that you’re like this massive thing happened. Sometimes it is sometimes there are big things, but also you sort of notice things almost after they’ve happened. So I’ve realized that quite a few times recently, I’ve left the house without checking what I look like, like just not even look, I’ve just left the house to go to the shop or to go out to meet someone or whatever. And I just haven’t haven’t mirrored that happen. And that’s not a deliberate thing. I’m not going to check in the mirror. That’s just because I’m like, going to do something like go to the shop. And it just, I just don’t, it doesn’t matter what I look like. So and that, again, it sounds small. But for me, that’s kind of human relation, right? Because I just always would have checked for it always would have been like, right, you know, that that? You know, it was important to me to know what I look like? And yeah, yeah, so I think that’s been different. And I think I’ve just been over saying quite early on in one of our calls as well that I read one of my realizations with that I I sort of sometimes when I was out, I would deliberately not go to the bathroom, because I knew that then I would see myself and that would maybe ruin my night you could either make or ruin my night depending on what I saw. So what I perceive to see, so I can either be like, Oh, I look good, or you carry on having your time or I look awful, and I don’t deserve to have a good time anymore. So I won’t and I just I don’t feel like I’ve done that as much or at all really I just sort of go to the bathroom and see what I see. If I do have negative feelings about it just managed to talk myself around and say it doesn’t mean that you get you have to stop having a good time now. Just because what you see in the mirror doesn’t fit with maybe what you want us to see. Does that make sense? That’s a bit Wofully

Summer:
Yeah, no, it does. It does no, it makes it makes perfect sense because it sounds like before. And that’s really like, so much of what this work is, it’s like, it’s like, you know, I think that, you know, before, like, when we’re really in a state where we’re feeling a lot of, you know, shame about our body, like, it really dictates our entire mood and our actions. And so, what I’m hearing is that, you know, now, it’s not doing that, like now, you know, even if you don’t really like what you see in the mirror, or if you’re out like, you can still be like, Okay, well, they’re not gonna let this ruin our night or, and it does sound. I mean, I don’t think it sounds small, because I work with so many people. And I realized how much of a fundamental change that, like, that’s a big shift and how you were operating before and I know how heavy those, like emotions can be when you are, you know, letting your appearance, you know, have that like, huge influence on how you feel about yourself as a whole. So, to be able to like divest those two things is is really massive. So yeah, I mean, that’s all wonderful, wonderful stuff. Were there any, like highlight moments for you or anything like that? Like I I know. But you told me.

Rosie:
I mean, I think there have been, I think, because one of the things I’ve been doing is sort of just saying, well just try it a bit and see how it feels. So I’ve done some things like I work Coasteering, which is that I think it may be the one you’re thinking of. Yeah. So I think I hadn’t sort of takes us back to the thing of me saying that it’s not only been my body image that’s held me back, it’s just fixated on that. But it’s that stuff that you tell yourself about what you can and can’t do, how strong your body is, or whether you’re the type of person to do a certain thing. And yeah, I went on retreat and went Coasteering, which is something that I just never thought I would do, if I didn’t know what that is, when you basically go to the sea, and you jump off rocks into the sea and swim around around the coastline and then clamber out and then jump off again. was really great, I didn’t, I don’t think I’ve been in the sea as an adult. And that is partly about body image, and not wanting to be seen in a bikini or whatever in the sea, but also not feeling confident enough in the water, being worried and thinking I’m not strong enough or strong enough swimmer or whatever. And just going and doing that and feeling the power of my body and the strength and the fact that I could just jump off something and take that leap. Just yeah, it was just great. And it made me really proud. And I think as well, these little things that you do, it builds up into making you trust yourself and making making you think of yourself in a different way. I think myself, way of like, I can do these things. And maybe the narrative I told myself about lots and lots of things in my life is just not true. And if you keep challenging them, then over time, you start to build up new ideas and new stories about yourself. And just things like yeah, you know, deliberately not wearing makeup for a few days when I was away on that same retreat, actually, and feeling the urge to put on makeup, because I’d see other people won’t make up anything. And then just think, well, let’s just try not doing it, see what that feels like, see how that affects how you interact, or how other people interact with you. And sort of treating it with curiosity and compassion, and then realizing that oh, look, no one’s treated me any differently. Because I wasn’t wearing makeup. In fact, everyone has connected with me. And just the same way. And we’ve had the same time. I’m not here to be found attractive for anyone, it doesn’t matter. There’s more that I have to give than just being what I look like or what I don’t look like. Yeah, so things like that are just really great. And I’ve sort of feel like just keeping on doing those things. When they come up over time, it sort of starts to chip away at the the negative self image and, and also the positive thing and you learn to trust yourself more.

Summer:
Yeah, beautiful, beautiful. I love it. And so how does it feel for you to be in this place now and to have done those things? Like, what does it feel like?

Rosie:
Yeah, it feels really, it does feel really good. I think it’s, you know, for me, I’m sure like with a lot of the people that you you work with, it’s a long, it’s a long path. It’s not, it’s not an it’s not a linear thing, one of my friends, my birthday bought me a badge or pin badge that says healing is not linear. And it’s become a bit of a mantra for me, because it’s, you know, it’s so true. And I have definite times where it’s so hard. And I don’t feel like I’ve completed the work at all, and I’ve got a way to go. But it just it feels nice because it feels like I’m on that path now. And it will continue to kind of get better and that I just sort of trust me, I feel like I’ve got my own back on it, you know, only so I feel like I can treat myself like my friend. And rather than be at war with myself all the time. I feel that I’m supporting myself through it. So even when I have those days where I feel horrible for whatever reason, I’m sort of on my side with it rather than raging against it, if that makes sense. Yeah. Compassionate relationship with myself on it.

Summer:
Really beautiful, beautiful. And so what’s one piece of advice that you would give to other people listening today?

Rosie:
Do your program.

Summer:
Oh, you didn’t have to say thank you.

Rosie:
I really would, because I think it’s, you know, I mean, your podcasts are amazing. And just listening to those, I think people get an awful lot from it. And I still listen to your podcast loads and loads. But I think if you’re wondering about whether to invest in it, you know, it just feels like, it’s such a, it’s such a good thing to actually take the time to properly invest in it. And think, you know, if you’re anything like me, I’ve sort of struggled with this stuff for such a long time. I don’t think doing it on my own, I tried to do it on my own and tried to sort of, you know, do things that make me feel better. And it just, it wasn’t going to happen? I think. So finding someone like you to be able to support through it, and just the other people on the calls and the people in the Facebook group there, the fact that there’s a community out there, people who are facing the same things and have the same issues, like we’re all from massively different walks of life have different situations, some, some mothers, some not, you know, all of that we have a real common goal of just not wanting to put up with this bullshit anymore. And just wanting to live in a different way. And, and yeah, and just be the more East ourselves. So I would just say, yeah, just to do the work, if you can, if it’s in any way affordable, I would go for it. And just yeah, just be gentle with yourself. That’s just really, I think the first step is just noticing how you talk to yourself and catching that and thinking, would I speak anyone else like that ever? So I’ve got the answer. And then try and fly that love that you have for the people to yourself, and it can change, like, you know, I never thought that I would feel differently. And like I say, it’s not perfect, and I’m still on the journey, so to speak. But it’s definitely better. And I didn’t, I just didn’t think that it would be possible for me to do things like the Coasteering or leave the house without checking what I look like, or, you know, be more gentle with myself about this stuff. So yeah, it’s it’s an achievable thing.

Summer:
Yeah, that’s so great. I really appreciate you saying that. i It’s been such a pleasure working with you in this time. I mean, I noticed just hearing everything that you’re talking about today, like, I think it’s such a significant change from when we started together. And, and I feel like Yeah, I mean, I’m sure that you have days where it’s, it’s more of a struggle, but I also get a sense that you have a really wonderful ability to work through those moments now and be able to be, you know, be able to kind of be more resilient to it. And so and I think that that’s so much of what this is about, because we’re always going to have days where we don’t feel good about ourselves, whether it’s about our body or just other, you know, just us as a whole. And so I really appreciate that, you know, it sounds like you’re you’re really putting in a lot of intention in terms of, you know, treating yourself differently. And I certainly notice it and just love here loved hearing about all the changes that have happened for you and the things that you’ve done, and I’m just so proud and happy for you. And yeah, I really, really appreciate you sharing your story today.

Rosie:
Thanks so much, Summer. Yeah, I’m so grateful to you for all of you putting this program together and for your gentleness and your openness and your honesty about your own story and what brought you here and you know, all of that is just so important, and I’m really grateful that I met you have you in my life.

Summer:
Thank you so much Rosie. It’s been such a pleasure rock on.

It’s so amazing for me to witness the progression and the way that changes happen and witness people breaking out of their shell and doing things more confidently and having these kinds of changes and shifts in their life. It’s just like it’s the most gratifying thing I love my job. You can learn more about you are on fire by going to summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire get your name on the waitlist. As I said, if you have any questions about the program, you can always feel free to email me get in touch there. You can email me by responding to any of the emails that I send out to my list or you can always send me a DM on social media. And I’ll be back next week with another spotlight episode. I’m so excited for you to hear that too. If you’re looking for the show notes for this episode, you can actually find the video interview video version of this interview at summer innanen.com forward slash 254 Thank you so much for listening and for being here today. Rock on.

I’m Summer Innanen And I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer Innanen. And if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts search eat the rules and subscribe rate and review this show. I would be so grateful. Until next time, rock on.

Summer:
This episode of eat the rules is brought to you by you on fire you on fire is the online group coaching program that I run that gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your appearance. With personalized coaching from me incredible community support and lifetime access to the program so that you can get free from body shame and live life on your own terms. Get details on what’s included and sign up for the next cycle at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d love to have you in that group. This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image self worth, anti dieting, and intersectional feminism. I am your host summer Innanen. a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence and the best selling author of body image remix. If you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This is episode 254. And it’s the second part of this episode where I am speaking to another brilliant, incredible woman who worked with me in the you ON FIRE program. You can find the links mentioned in this episode at summer innanen.com forward slash 254. I want to give a shout out to mem 918 That left this review was told to tune into the Super Woman podcast and have already sent it to friends and listen to it. Love how informative it is and practical. I’m hooked. Thank you so much. I think that they are referring to Episode 241 which was the one about Superwoman syndrome. So I’m super excited that that was recommended and that it resonated and that you’ve sent it along that always makes me really happy to hear. You can leave a review by going to Apple podcasts search for eat the rules, click on ratings and reviews and click to leave a review. You can also subscribe to the show via whatever platform you use. Don’t forget to grab the free 10 Day body confidence makeover at summer innanen.com forward slash freebies with 10 steps to take right now to feel better in your body. If you are a professional who works with people who may also have body image struggles, you can get on my professionals email list and grab the free body image coaching roadmap for professionals at summer innanen.com forward slash roadmap. This is the second part of this episode where I’m interviewing. Another member of you on fire and you on fire is my online group coaching program that gives you a step by step way of building up self worth beyond your gene size. You get a lot of personalized coaching from me incredible community support incredible content that you get lifetime access to. And it really gives you everything you need to feel more secure in yourself. feel more confident in yourself and work through any kind of body shame that you have. So that you can wear what you want. Say what you want live life on your own terms, and just be the badass that you are. You can get more information about that and get on the waitlist at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d absolutely love to have you in the group. I’m so excited to share this other story with you today. Today I am with Asya. And I will let her do the talking. Let’s get started with the show.

Hello Asya Welcome to the show.

Asya:
Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Summer:
Thank you so much for being here. Tell everyone a little bit about who you are before we get started.

Asya:
Hello, my name is Asya I am I don’t know, I wouldn’t say a typical person. But I probably had the typical body frustrations. And they still struggle with them, but not to the same extent as most people.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. And did you want to say anything about like what you do or where you live? Or that you’re a parent?

Asya:
Sure. I’m in this. Oh, yeah, sure. I’m in the Chicago area and the suburbs. And I am a speech therapist, I say gone rogue, because now I’m writing for other speech therapists to help get their names out there because I really love writing. So I am. I like to say I’m a writer because it feels good. I’m a writer.

Summer:
Yeah. Amazing. Great. And so yeah, so tell everyone just a little bit more specifically about what your frustrations were with your body before we started working together.

Asya:
My biggest thing was definitely comparing comparing to other people. So like, I talk a lot about the gym. That’s where I love the gym. And that’s a big outlet for me. But it also has some very negative aspects that people a lot of people are really really thin, which is there’s nothing wrong with that. The problem is that I was comparing myself a lot to them like how, you know, like, maybe I might go in and look great. And then I’m like, well look at her. She has This body and you know, I would always do that. And that was really my biggest thing. It was like I was going to my gym classes that I love and all like, think about, even if I walked in feeling good, I could just, I would come out and be like, you know, thinking and thinking and thinking like, Oh, when I bend over, I have this or she doesn’t have that, etc. So that was my biggest frustration for sure.

Summer:
Yeah. And did you struggle with your relationship with food at all? Like, did those two coins sort of intersect for you?

Asya:
Yes. And no, I was really familiar with intuitive eating already. And that’s I was listening to that podcast, I was really familiar with the Fuckit diet and intuitive eating. And I kind of I did sort of feel I teetered, like, you know, well, maybe if I ate like this person, I would look like that. And maybe if, you know, I was on a diet or had the willpower then. But at the same time I was coming on that those beliefs were coming and done. Like I was already understanding that that’s not true that diets don’t work. And so I had the basis of it, but it hadn’t like planted itself yet.

Summer:
Yeah, totally. Totally. And so did you have any, like fears or hesitations around doing work around the body acceptance, like,

Asya:
I was so ready, I was so ready. When I, when I heard the ad, it was like speaking to me, it really was. And when I read about the program, the only hesitation was, I’m so into coaching, and I pay for a coaching here and there. And I guess I kind of was like, Okay, here’s another thing I want to pay for, but I also felt so strongly about it. Yeah. So by the time I had the discovery call with, with you, honestly, I kind of was already like, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be doing this because it just, it spoke so much to me.

Summer:
Whoo. Yeah. Well, I appreciate that. Was there any? Was there anything that like kind of was like your breaking point where you’re just like, I need to get support around this or like, this has to kind of change? Like, was there any moment or anything that sort of happened for you that made you do that?

Asya:
I don’t think it was a moment, as opposed to maybe a series of moments, it was just like, here, I am doing something I love, which is dancing and working out. And I am so cluttered by thoughts of comparing myself that it’s just like, that’s all I can think about. I can’t even enjoy the dancing part anymore. And what is the point of that? And so I just, I didn’t really know there was an alternative. Yeah, at all. Actually, until I heard about your program, I had no idea that there was even a concept of body neutrality. Or just like accepting I don’t know, I guess accepting was so far fetched, or being body positive, maybe was so far fetched that I guess that that’s all I knew was? I don’t know, I don’t know how else to say I did not know that body neutrality is possible or an option?

Summer:
Yeah, totally. That makes so much sense. And so what were some of the things in the program the the elements of it, or like the any of the things that you did in there that really helped you along the way?

Asya:
I think for me, the biggest lightbulb moment, which I still go back to because there’s so much information, I absolutely need to go back and digest it all for sure. Like, I don’t know how many times I need to do that program to get everything. Because it’s a lot. But I think the biggest thing that I always go back to is like, wait a minute, my body and my value are totally separate. I have so many other things that give me value. And I always remind myself of that, like that is the thing that I always anchor to because it’s it sounds so silly. I didn’t know that. Like, how sad is that? How sad is that? I thought like, you know, well, if I was skinnier, I’d be worth more. And I would be loved more and people respect me more. And like that’s just stupid. And I think like hearing that was really the way you said it in the program was just such a like, huh, wow. So that’s what I really anchor to. I would say, yeah,

Summer:
yeah. Well, it’s not your fault, right. Like, we’re conditioned to think that our value isn’t. Yeah, we look. So it’s like, you know, you don’t know another way because you haven’t been shown another way. And it’s

Asya:
right. And it’s like, wow, how did I not see that? But of course, I didn’t see it. It’s always like all about your looks, your looks your looks. It’s like, what if there’s something else besides my looks? Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, so yeah, that was a lightbulb moment for me, even though I was like, How did I not realize that before?

Summer:
Totally, totally. And so what are some of the specific things you’ve noticed, like in terms of you know, how you feel in your body or how you feel about yourself since during the program?

Asya:
I would say it go I definitely have ups and downs. There are times when I’m like, Oh my God, I am good. I’d like, I’m sad. I don’t have these thoughts anymore. But that’s not always the case. Sometimes thoughts come in just now I have a rebuttal. I have something to say, and I cannot believe them and be like, Yeah, I was conditioned to think that way. All my life, it’s not a surprise that I think that it’s just not true. And kind of like reminding myself that not all bodies are the same. And then I feel like I think about like, okay, so if everybody ate the same, and I think I think you must have said this in one of your things. I think that’s where I got it, if everybody the same. And if everybody moves exactly the same way, then we would all look different. And like, wait, I actually think that is one of the most powerful things to I don’t think I comprehended that. And it’s funny, because now I use that with people when they’re like, Oh, of course, so and so looks like that, because they you know, go to the gym five times a day. And I’m like, really? Like, if you exercise exactly like that and eat exactly like that. Would you look exactly like that? And they’re like, No, of course not. I’m like, That’s it might walk away. I think that’s like, one of the biggest points that I really come back to. I found with the question was like, I went down that rabbit hole. I’m sorry.

Summer:
No, that’s fine. No, the question was just what are some of the specific things that you’ve noticed? So yeah, in yourself, and you were, right. Yes. How you were able to respond to the Yeah. Yeah,

Asya:
I get carried away. And yes, yes, that’s right. The negative thoughts. I have something to say to them. I have the compassion to be like, Oh, that’s a big thing. Compassion. Yeah. Like to be like, Yeah, you were conditioned that way? Of course, you felt like that, like, yeah, it’s not your fault. I don’t think they had that language ever, ever, ever, ever before?

Summer:
And most people don’t, right? Like, because it’s just, you know, we’re brainwashed to think that if we just do these things, then we will all look the same. And yeah, there’s something wrong with us. And yes,

Asya:
exactly. And that’s so hard to detach yourself from. But I think that’s where the comparisons have eased up. Like I look at, you know, this one person in particular, I’m thinking of who has the waist the size of like my toddler, okay. It doesn’t matter what I do. It doesn’t matter. I could be starving myself. And I’m just not going to look like that. Why? Because we’re different. And that’s it. And that is really, I think, powerful.

Summer:
Mm hmm. Yeah, totally. Were there any other were there any, like highlight moments for you? Where you throughout our time together where like, you notice, like, you know, something was different, or, you know, like you showed up in a different way?

Asya:
I think a lot of the coaching calls you walk away, I really liked. I really liked the question you ask, you always say, What did you get from this conversation today? Because sometimes it’s like, you listen, you’re like, okay, okay. Okay. And like, okay, I guess I’ll go now because I don’t want to take up more of your time. And you’re like, No, but what else you got from this conversation? like, Damn, that’s holding me accountable. That’s good. I feel like there were a lot. I can’t say there was like a specific thing. I think it builds. Yeah, I think there are those like moments that I just explained that I hold on to. And then it builds. It’s like, there are some aha moments, but they’re not the aha moments. It’s like that plus this moment, plus this moment, plus this moment, and all of a sudden, you’re like, I feel different. I’m not preoccupied by these thoughts, what’s going on? I think that’s kind of what happened for me. And then there was one conversation. I was like, summer, I totally feel different about this. And I don’t know how that happened. And like, that’s a big thing. And I could not tell you how that happened.

Summer:
Yeah. And that’s how it does happen. That’s amazing. About that. It’s like it’s kind of like with a kid, right? Like you probably have this with with one of your kids is that they maybe do something kind of relentlessly for a while, and then and then they stop, but you don’t notice it until maybe like two months later. And you’re like, oh, like they don’t do that anymore like that. Yeah, for sure. The same thing with this work I find it’s like you don’t necessarily notice it. It just sort of kind of happens in the background until maybe like a few months later, when you look back and you reflect and you’re like, oh, like Yeah, differently. Now, you know, like, I don’t do that thing I used to do all the time.

Asya:
I think that’s a really good explanation. Because if I think about it, it’s like, Am I perfect? Am I like never ever having those thoughts. No, the difference is I don’t go down the same black hole that I used to how like, that’s huge. That’s huge. To not go down that like rabbit hole is I think really amazing.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah, that’s so good to hear. So how does it feel to be in this place now and you know, have some of this baggage off your shoulders?

Asya:
I mean, it frees up so much mental space. It’s amazing because I actually enjoy going to the gym classes. And like of course I’ll have a thought But then I’m able to be like, You know what, and I’m hot as fuck. Okay, that’s what I am. And I actually another thing, I think that was really, really super helpful. And this all came from you was to look at those accounts on Instagram of like, women who are athletes who just let it all hang out. And they’re like, yeah, yeah. And I like sometimes I’ll you know, I’ll see myself in the mirror, and I’m like, Ah, like, I don’t have what I want. And then it’s like, so like, so what I get to own what I have. So I think that mental space has really cleared out, I’m able to really enjoy the movements so much more. And honestly, I think I’ve gotten a lot fitter. I think, like, I’m just more in the workout. And I really feel it as like a place to release aggression. Versus like, this critiquing, critiquing, critiquing, like, come on, enjoy it. No, but I’m fat. But I’m sorry. I mean that in like, the, obviously, I know, fat is used now as like a neutral term. But that’s not how I was using it at all. Right? So I was like, No, I’m not, I’m not I’m not like this. I’m like, like that. And it’s just like, that constant dialogue is gone. And I can actually enjoy what I’m there for. Because that’s, that’s where the pain point really was, was at the gym, I would say, because that’s where I see people. And that’s where I compare myself. And I also found out a lot of them have plastic surgery. And like, that’s what I was comparing myself to.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. Which is like, yeah, not real, right?

Asya:
Like, if somebody had liposuction, I’m like, Why is she held a small waist or whatever? Because she got enhanced. That’s why cuz she paid $10,000 to look like that. And like, I just, I have to, I now put it in perspective that I didn’t before.

Summer:
Yeah, so good. So how does that how does that feel like if you were sort of describing,

Asya:
freeing, freeing, I can really enjoy the movement, I can really enjoy the reason I’m there. I think I always, in theory, went to the gym as my own, like place to relax. But I wasn’t relaxed, because I was thinking about this stuff all the time. Now I actually go there. And it’s like, I get it all out. And then I come home, and I can be with my kids in a better way. So probably it’s improved. It didn’t really realize this until I’m seeing this now. I’m willing to bet it has improved my relationship with my kids, because I now am more grounded in myself because it’s more. My self care routine is actually a self care routine. And no longer me going there pretending for it to be like self care, but actually just being in my head the whole time. Yeah, yeah. And I don’t think I realized that until right now.

Summer:
Yeah, but that’s a big impact, right? Because impact your whole life. So that’s so good.

Asya:
Yeah. And I really love the gym now, like a lot. I love it. And I loved it. I thought I loved it before, but I definitely was like a hit or miss, like some classes were so like, I was in it. And I really enjoyed them. But most of the time I wasn’t I was thinking about other people’s bodies and how they compare to me. And what other people thought of me in comparison to their bodies. Like that’s a lot. Yeah,

Summer:
yeah. It’s like a whole feedback loop, right? Because you’re like beating yourself up, and then you’re thinking other people are judging you as you’re beating. Or and it’s like, yeah, yeah.

Asya:
And I’m not gonna say it’s gone again. Like, that’s not what it is. It’s not totally gone. It’s just that now I know how to respond to myself.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I feel like over additional time, it will continue to read. And obviously, there’s always ups and downs. But I think that it’s like, once those seeds are planted, then it becomes so much easier.

Asya:
I’m pretty sure that’s true. Because I am, I’m essentially awakened to this new reality, this new possibility that again, I didn’t know existed, I did not know it existed, that I could ever not think like that. And so I’m gonna redo the program for sure. I mean, I, there’s no question about that. I’m gonna listen to everything. Everything has so much good advice. And I feel like just like intuitive eating, I reread the book. And now it’s been the third time and every time I’m like, Oh my God, how did they not get that before? So I feel like that’s what’s gonna happen with this program. So

Summer:
yeah, people always say that like, because I think that you’re in so much of it’s like, beyond your body too, which is why it’s like one of those things you can keep coming back to you. Yes. Amazing. Amazing. So what’s one piece of advice you have for other people listening today?

Asya:
I would say sign up. Don’t hesitate. I really recommend this to so I mean, it is so relevant. There is not one person that this is not relevant to there is not I shouldn’t say not one person. I’m sure there’s one person that this is not relevant to and the rest of the like a billion people it’s probably irrelevant to like we are so conditioned, so conditioned. It’s so deep inside of you. You don’t even know I did not wear realize how much I attached my value to my looks like I had no idea. It’s not like I’m like, super like vain with all this makeup not not even that it’s just like, it was so subtle, and yet it’s so pervasive, it’s everywhere. And I think your program helps people rethink other things too, like, aging. Like, I’m not gonna stay 20 years old forever, nobody is it’s impossible. And like to, to move beyond that, like, what if I can be both older, bigger, and sexy, and sassy and successful, and I don’t have to be something 25 year old or 20 year old or whatever, like, that’s stupid. That’s. And I mean, my piece of advice would be join the program, do not hesitate, do not hesitate, and then join the calls. And even if you can’t do the program, because it’s a lot of information, even if you stop, even if you’re not listening, go to the coaching calls, they are so valuable, in my opinion, I think like, I really looked forward to every coaching call that I’ve joined. And it’s just like, amazing. It’s amazing to hear other people’s sort of thoughts, because you’re like, Wow, I’m not the only one. It’s amazing to hear the advice that summer gives. And I always try to like categorize it like, Okay, if ever somebody told me that, like, here’s the coaching wisdom that I can, like, absorb, I don’t know, ever be able to observe it all because it’s amazing. But yeah, like, you have so many answers to so many queries, that it’s just amazing to me. And it’s like, I really got so much out of each call, I would say

Summer:
yeah, oh, that’s so nice to hear, well, our conversations, and you’re always so supportive of everyone else as well.

Asya:
It’s easy, though, it’s so easy to be supportive. The Facebook group is supportive, and the community like, at first I thought it would be so weird, like I would be talking to you about my coaching stuff. And other people are listening in the background. And it’s like, kind of awkward, you would think, but I don’t think so because people put in like the messages. They’re like, good job. That’s great. They also have those thoughts. It’s almost like, I don’t know, it’s I think it’s a super supportive community. And I plan on using the Facebook group for as long as I can. If that’s

Summer:
Yeah, yeah, as you should, as you should. Well, I’m so happy to hear that. That means a lot to me. And it’s such a pleasure to catch up with you here today. And just hear about, like how far you come. And I’m just so proud of you. I hope you’re proud of yourself. And I think that I am just going to be such an amazing role model to so many other people.

Asya:
And I wouldn’t go that far yet. I feel like a role model. I would definitely. I mean, I need to do the program again.

Summer:
You’re an advocate like that’s my meat. I know your vocal about it. So

Asya:
I’ve implanted for a new life is what? Yeah, and like everybody needs to know about it. I appreciate that so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Summer:
Oh, it’s so cool to work with us. Yeah, over the months, she was just always like so galvanized by this work, and has really become like a huge advocate for it. And I just absolutely love when that happens. Because that’s the ripple effect, when you know, when we do this work on ourselves, then we are able to then have this different kind of mark on the world because we start to influence other people or we become activists in the work or we you know, we start talking about it. And that’s how we influence more people. And it’s amazing to see that happen. Because I believe that that is how we can see you know, start to chip away and change the culture, there’s really no going back, you know, with any of these these changes, like, once you start this, then you’re on this trajectory, and it only keeps building from there. And when we open our eyes to the ways in which we’ve been influenced by society standards, and decide, you know, I’m not going to take this anymore. I don’t want to be at war with my body anymore. It can just result in such incredible things. And I show up to do this work every day because I know that you are all inherently worthy. And it’s possible to believe that for yourself, I know how much time and energy and money you can reclaim when you’re not letting your whole your body dictate how you feel about yourself and when you’re not letting your body hold you back. So I want you to just imagine, you know what life could be like for you in three months or six months if you if you took that leap. If you’re kind of feeling like you’re stuck trying to do this work on your own but it’s not really clicking like maybe you intellectually get it but nothing’s really changing then if you can come and work with me I can you’re absolutely who you on fires for and I can 100% help you. And let’s get on this path where you can really believe and know that you are good enough. And I hope you enjoyed these stories that I’ve shared with you today. They’re just Some examples of how it is possible to let go of letting your body rule your emotions and how you can really live your life unapologetically. And how much can change in such a short period of time. You know, we spent decades kind of in this body hate this place of body shame and hatred. And within a few months, like we can really start to see a shift, and it’s not perfect, and I never guarantee perfect and that’s not the goal at all. Because you’re human, you’re going to have negative thoughts. But to be able to be more resilient to them to be able to respond to them. Like that’s, that’s incredible. I’ve done a ton of these episodes if you liked them, if you want to hear more, they are episodes 134 164 176 to 12, episode 246 as well, and a lot of them are video interviews that you can watch on YouTube as well. If you go to if you Google Summer Innanen YouTube, I have a YouTube channel. And there’s a playlist with the video versions of these interviews as well. Some of them not not everyone wants to do video, but there are quite a few of video versions as well if you ever want to watch those. So you can find the links and resources mentioned in this episode at summer innanen.com forward slash 254. You can get information about you on fire at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. Thank you so much for listening today. I really appreciate you being here rock on.

I’m Summer Innanen And I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer Innanen. And if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts search eat the rules and subscribe rate and review this show. I would be so grateful. Until next time, rock on

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