We also talk about her thoughts on NYFW and her experiences dating while fat.

Don’t forget, I’m on iTunes! You can be one of my kick-ass subscribers. Also, I would be SO GRATEFUL if you took 2 minutes to leave a review. Go here -> click “Reviews and Ratings” and then “Click to Rate”.

Summer:
This episode of eat the rules is brought to you by you on fire you on fire is the online group coaching program that I run that gives you a step by step way of building up your self worth beyond your appearance, with personalized coaching from me incredible community support and lifetime access to the program so that you can get free from body shame and live life on your own terms. Get details on what’s included and sign up for the next cycle at summer innanen.com forward slash you on fire. I’d love to have you in that group.

Leah:
I think that that was the epitome of like, where my ad came from, was trying to be a Paris Hilton, you know trying to be a Nicole Richie trying to be and Alicia Silverstone. Like you know those were the girls that you looked up to at the time. And you know, every generation has like these people these hashtag bottles that they look up to, and during this time, we didn’t have a lot of plus sized bottles.

Summer:
This is eat the rules, a podcast about body image, self worth, anti dieting, and intersectional feminism. I am your host summer Innanen. a professionally trained coach specializing in body image self worth and confidence and the best selling author of body image remix. If you’re ready to break free of societal standards and stop living behind the number on your scale, then you have come to the right place. Welcome to the show.

This is episode 281 and I’m joined by Leah V author of unashamed musings of a fat black Muslim. We talk about her incredible story of how she battled an eating disorder, mental illness and body shame to own who she is unapologetically and become an international plus size hijabi model, award winning author and body positive activist. We also talk about her thoughts on New York Fashion Week and her experiences dating while fat. You can find the links mentioned at summer innanen.com forward slash 281. I want to give a shout out to Big Mama Sita who left this review. Kick ass man I am so grateful I found this podcast I’m at the start of my self love Journey and summers podcast has been exactly what I needed to start this journey in a positive and uplifting manner. I’ve gone back and listened to almost all of her episodes and find myself continually feeling her and her guests kick ass spirits touch mine and make me feel like I got this. So thanks Somerville. Thank you so much for leaving that review. I really really appreciate it so kind of you you can leave a review it helps others to find the show it helps to support this podcast. That takes a lot of effort to produce. You can do that by going to Apple podcasts search for eat the rules, click ratings and reviews and click to leave a review or give it a rating. Don’t forget to grab the free 10 Day body confidence makeover at summer innanen.com forward slash freebies with 10 steps to take right now to feel better in your body. And if you are a professional who works with people who may also have body image struggles, you want to learn more about how to coach people around body image and get the free body image coaching roadmap at summer innanen.com forward slash roadmap. I am absolutely thrilled to have Leah V on the show. I have been following her for a few years and have always just loved everything that she puts out there. Whether it’s the visual, the visuals of her content, or the words that she’s saying in the captions, just an all around huge fan of her so I’m absolutely thrilled to have her on the show today. Leah V is an international plus size hijabi model award winning author inclusive content creator, body positive activist and digital brand strategist her content has garnered over 4 million views combined and her face and fat body plastered on billboards in Times Square to London. She has been featured in hundreds of media outlets from the New York Times CNN and Vogue to name a few. She is the author of unashamed musings of a fat black woman, as well as the Sci Fi series, the union and the upcoming book that dissent. Let’s get started with the show.

Leah V, welcome to the show. I’m so happy to have you here. So excited to be here. Yeah, so I really I loved your book on ashamed. I memoirs are some of my favorite books to read. And I just thought that yours was so like, raw and vulnerable. And you’ve just been through and overcome so much and I really appreciated your candidness and just your openness so I really want to talk about your journey to become the model influencer author that you are today, let’s kind of start with just you know, your relationship with your body. Obviously, you seem to be like super confident when in your body now, but it was not always like that. So what was your relationship with your body like growing up?

Leah:
Ooh, Lord, how much time do we have?

Summer:
We can break it down into different segments too

Leah:
I Yeah. Wow, the body journey has definitely been an up and down one is not something that just goes straight up or straight down. I think people look at me and they’re like, well, she’s made it like, you know, that’s as high as you can get. And that’s not the case, I still have, you know, my moments where I allow fatphobia the Eurocentric body standards to to get at me to eat away at me as they did when I was younger, and was delving into dangerous EEG patterns and avoiding mirrors and things of that nature. And so, you know, I’m a lot more educated about it now and where it’s coming from. But it’s not something that goes away. So I don’t know, I feel like writing stories and sharing my stories with others has definitely helped me on my journey to accepting myself. Yeah. You talk about the influence of your mother on on your body image, like, what was that like for you? And I guess when you were growing up? Yeah, I think everyone has like these kinds of stories about like, either their mom or dad just saying one thing or doing something even, maybe they didn’t, they didn’t really know. And it kind of sticking with them, like forever. And my mom was definitely fat phobic. And she definitely had an issue with her weight, had issues with her weight, her body image self esteem, and she put it on all his children, unfortunately. And so I remember her making a comment. I don’t know if this is in the book or not. But my aunt was always bigger than her. And so I remember something happened. And I was like, maybe 10 or 11. And we were the kitchen. I don’t know, if you’re eating, I think we’re eating dinner. And she’s like, Yeah, like, you know, your aunt, she’s never gonna find a job. They don’t hire big people, they don’t hire fat people, she’s never going to be employed. And I’m like, as a kid, you’re trying to understand, like, why she was a daughter, sister. And then you’re like, well, if being fat is being unwanted, and not being able to pay your bills, and who want to be that, you know, and so she made a lot of comments that were inappropriate, you know, but she didn’t know any better. So I was like to say that a lot of people don’t know any better. And they kind of push it off on the next generation, or friends and family or coworkers. And it’s just like this cycle of just body hate.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think a lot of times parents do it, from this place of like, trying to protect you, like they’re trying to protect you from like, the judgments or the bullying, but really, it creates like this internal shame about who you are. And your value. And, yeah, yeah. You mentioned like, when you were a kid, like always watching kind of like white television shows and movies and things like that, and sort of like escaping into those kind of worlds. Like, how did that sort of influence like how you viewed yourself, given the fact that, you know, like, you were watching these TV shows that were predominantly white?

Leah:
Yeah, it really fucked up my self esteem. Like, I think that that was the epitome of like, where my ad came from, was trying to be a Paris Hilton, you know, trying to be a Nicole Richie trying to be and Alicia Silverstone. Like, you know, those were the girls that you looked up to at the time. And, you know, every generation has like these people, these hashtag bottles that they look up to, and during this time, we didn’t have a lot of plus sized bottles. You know, we didn’t have like, you know, a lot of commercial success fat activist. We didn’t have anything we had Mimi from Drew Carey. We have Roseanne you know, we had Monique and stuff like that and but they were like always a funny fat people. So even with that you couldn’t be the main character, you know what I mean, without being funny, or making fun of your fatness. And so that really the number on me and so I tried my hardest to associate myself with fineness with whiteness, with being feminine. You know, I went through this whole thing where it was like, my whole wall was plastered with thin white women. You know, I would watch thin white women, I was obsessed. And if I the closer I got to that, the better I was, but I will never be that. And at the time, you know, you just don’t know that. It’s not possible. You feel like if you keep fighting and fighting and fighting that one day you’ll just turn into a thin white woman and then your problems be solved and all be great with the world. And a lot of people of color have the same stories that I’m speaking and hearing other people’s stories. It’s the same narrative. And it’s so damaging, it is so, so damaging. And I’m actually really shocked that I that I came out of that more educated, more black than ever more fat than ever, like more Muslim than ever, because that was a, you know, whole change. And I’m so glad I was able to meet people through my online community that helped me realize that that is not the way to go. And that you can be your best self and the body you have right now. Mm hmm. Yeah. So well said. So you mentioned your different identities. They’re like fat, Black Muslim. And there’s one point in law at one point, it’s kind of woven into the book. But there’s one point where you were explicitly kind of say, how there were certain expectations on how you were supposed to be given each of those identities, and how that was making you really, like lose your sense of self and who you were. So like, how did you kind of find your way into who you were, by breaking free of I guess, all the different sort of expectations based on those identities? Yeah, I mean, it was so funny. So I have an MFA, I have two masters actually. And I remember having a gay mentor, his name is Taylor ProLite is loving the death. And I remember asking him, and it was kind of like, you know, how you’re like a student, and you want the answers to everything, and you just want someone who knows how to do it to tell you. And I asked her, I was like, How do I mesh all these identities into my writing without, without betraying the other one, you know, when we get into like, religion, that’s a very interesting identity, right? Because a lot of us do are a part of organized religions, which is even cultural things and norms and stuff like that, that are expected of you, especially as a woman. And so I felt like I was betraying one if I step more into the other, and he just told me you have to write for you, like, write what you want to write. And so I kind of, like, I guess, put that into like, life. They’re like, okay, so what do you want to do? What feels good, what feels good, what feels right. And so I kind of took his advice from writing and put into my actual life. Whereas this, like, you’re not betraying one by stepping into another. And so it took me a long time to figure out that that was the case, that I could be me with all my identities combined. I don’t have to be one or the other, I can be many, all none. And I think that is an amazing thing to feel on the other side of, okay, this is why I am, it might not make sense to you and might not make sense to the other person. But I feel good where I’m at. And so I had to come to terms with myself in that regard. Yeah. And I suppose part of that is like coming to terms with like, maybe not getting validation from everybody, right, like, because I feel like that’s, that’s part of it. You mentioned that too, in your book is like trying to kind of like satisfy everybody, you’re trying to get validation from everyone versus just trying to have your own validation. Exactly. I think that’s also like a large thing that I think a lot of women have issues with, because that’s how we grew up. It’s like, okay, get validation by any means necessary, because that is important to your identity. It is important to you as a woman, and I think now a lot of us are kind of breaking against that, that that norm that that stereotype, whereas it’s like, yeah, I don’t really need validation to like, feel good about myself. And if I do want validation, I need to figure out how to get it for myself. Because, you know, this is a lonely journey, when you’re trying to do self discovery, when you’re trying to get out of toxic patterns when you’re trying to do better and figure out who self is. It is a lonely process. It’s not like oh, yes, do these things and all this great things will happen to you once you become self aware. Like that’s not how it works. It’s a lonely, painful, annoying grading process. But I promise you that we go through it. There are good things waiting after you get through all the thorns and the walls and the heaviness. There is greatness on that side of of truly living for yourself.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. It reminds me of I feel like there’s like a meme out there that shows like what people think healing looks like and it’s like really serene. It’s like this image of like, the serene and calm kid and then it’s like, what it actually looks like when the kids like flailing in the water.

Leah:
Exactly. I think people I think a lot of the answers we have are inside. You know, I’m talking to myself too because I’m so messy in shenanigans or continuous this way. And I’m constantly learning and evolving but like once you are okay with self for the most part, like no one can ever break that like nobody.
Summer:
Yeah. One thing you talked about is like you mentioned religion there. Like, how did being Muslim influence your mental health? Because I know you talk about how like, quote unquote mental illness doesn’t exist in a good Miss Muslims life. So, like how how did how did that influence like your perception of your mental health and you getting support for your mental health?

Leah:
Yeah, it didn’t. Didn’t not at all, you know being black, that’s another thing, right? Because like when you’re black, then it’s like, oh no, it’d be fine, you know this scope, right? We’ll pray about it or just like, you know, man up. And then from the Muslim side, you know, if you are a good Muslim and you are a lie, a law abiding Muslim, then mental illness wanted to write it doesn’t exist in a good person’s world. So I had to come from both sides, the blackness, the white side and the Muslim side. So yeah, growing up, I had no idea what a panic attack was, I had no idea what anxiety was, I had no idea what depression was, I just knew that, if any of those afflictions touched me, is because I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t praying enough, I wasn’t being a good Muslim, a good girl, good black person. And so that is definitely not the case. It is a ridiculous, ridiculous thing to even think, to be the truth. And again, I had my first breakdown in college, when I’ve literally just fell in the shower and just couldn’t breathe, and the water was pelted me and I had no idea what was happening, I felt like I was going to die. And I didn’t know that was a panic attack at all. And so things like that need to be talked about in the communities, whether it’s organized religion, or, or different ethnic groups, or even with women who were still taboo to talk about, you know, hey, I need help. Same thing with postpartum hey, I need help. You know, it’s okay. And it’s normalized. And, you know, religion played a big role. And, you know, my mental health. Now, I think that I am more spiritual than religious. So I think that’s helping me tremendously, kind of go into the realm of meditation, or sometimes I need to sit back, it might not be necessarily praying, but maybe I’m just meditating, maybe I’m taking a moment to lay on the floor and stretch, do some deep stretching and think about nothing at all that sort of form of, you know, spirituality to me. And so I think, kind of reversing, like, what it means to be religious has helped me as well. So now I’m experiencing less panic attacks. You know, no, I’m not ashamed to say I had a panic attack anymore.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. I think for like, for so many people, there’s, there’s shame in like, admitting that you need help. And then on top of that, with the religious component of like, it means there’s something wrong with you like that you’re not, you know, quote, unquote, good. Like, there’s this whole other level of, of shame that probably comes with like saying, like, hey, I need, I need help. And so I really appreciate like you speaking about it. So openly normalizing it. I’ve also had panic attacks. They’re like, the worst thing in the world in the world. I think they’re like the scariest thing, you can get them on highways, that’s like even working on it. But yeah, it’s like, I appreciate that you’re so that you’re so open about it. Because I think that just a lot of us are thinking that we should just be able to figure it out on our own and get through it. So one of the things that really stood out to me was how your divorce seemed to be like a real catalyst for you, like kind of like that, like moment where things started to shift. What was it about that moment? What was it about kind of like making that decision to get divorced, that made you sort of have that kind of shift of like, you know what, I’m just going to be myself. I’m going to be like, empowered now. I’m not going to be ashamed, I guess.

Leah:
Yeah. I mean, the me, then versus now is totally, like, I feel like, like, I was always in myself back in the day. But she just wasn’t able to come out if that makes sense. And so I think the shift was happening prior to the divorce. I think that’s what actually led to the ultimate demise. That was my first marriage. Because I think he maybe saw a shift in me that he was not ready for he was, you know, we were both codependent on each other. And I think that when I started to be like, yeah, no, I don’t really want to do this anymore. Like, I want to do something different. Like I don’t want to be that same codependent toxic, just kind of accept anything person anymore. I want to be an artist and I want to live life out loud. And I never saw I didn’t want to do with him. But you know, when things shift and change, people get scared of the unknown. And I think that that’s what’s happened and I think we probably saw my power and was intimidated by it, you know, and then resented me because I would not stay the same. And so you know, we had a very messy divorce was extremely messy, and it affected me greatly. And I’ve had people saying that Oh, like, I think it’s your fault that you’ve gotten divorced, like, if you would have did a, b and c, then he would never have left. And it’s just like, well, thanks, I’m already hurting. And now you’re adding, adding more to it. Thanks for the support guys, you know, always blame the woman for divorce. And so that was incredibly difficult to not only be a black sheep and outsider, but also going through a messy, messy divorce and ultimately leaving it with nothing. Like I was rock bottom, mentally, physically, financially. And so through all that pain and suffering and heartbreak, and just anxiety, depression, everything, the worst of the worst of things. I was just like, you know, you need to take this as a lesson. So what are we going to get out of this really, really, really bad situation? Like, are you going to allow this to take over where you become bitter and resentful, and stagnant? Like, some unfortunate divorcees are, I’ve seen it before, where they just cannot get over it, and they cannot move past it, they can’t dig themselves out of this hole, I was like, You have a choice. You can be that person that you never never want to be. Or you can take this as a lesson, and do whatever you did, you weren’t allowed to do or didn’t feel like you could do or have the confidence to do and you could do it right now. From here on out. That’s what you’re gonna do. And I remember making a post after it was finalized. I’m like, You guys are gonna get a different bitch. And I, I stuck to that I’m I’m going to be louder and take up space and ridiculous and I’m going to make mistakes. And I’m going to explore things. And if you don’t like it, you can unfollow me now, and we can get that done and over with, but from here on out, I cannot be who you knew me, who you’ve known me as I don’t want that life anymore. And I’m so glad that I made that decision right then and there. And I’ve stuck to it.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah, it seems to really be like this massive turning point for you. So like, how did you get into modeling, like what brought you what brought you into that?

Leah:
Well, I fell into it, like I had a well still have, you don’t just get rid of it. But to have a little bit of a little bit of body dysmorphia. So you know, I see things differently than other people see them. And so when it comes to my physical appearance, and so, you know, for a long time when I was avoiding mirrors, you’ve kind of forget how you look right? And so, but the idea of what I look like in my head was just grizzly was a monster was not attractive at all. And so I will go places, and people will be like, Oh my God, you’re so photogenic. And I’m like, Okay, so now I’m uncomfortable. And also, you’re lying to me, because you just want to make me feel good. But I’m actually ugly. So I’d rather you just not, if I was telling people that like, please don’t say that, because not the truth. And so they saw something, of course that I didn’t, and I didn’t believe them. And so I started going into like fashion shows I wanted to I wanted to be a stylist and style, like skinny models. And people again, would be like, Oh, my God, are you like the model? Are you like, you know, in the show? And I’m like, No, not I’m just a normal person, leave me alone. And so I’ve stumbled across Instagram in 2013. By mistake, it was like I was just kind of cool. Got the hashtag plus size model found that found out what a hashtag was and how to use it. And I My mind was blown away by all the plus size women with big boobs and big hips and stomachs, getting flown out, like living their best live dressing and colors. And I’m like, I’m a Midwest girl. So we didn’t get to see that type of stuff. And I’m like, Oh, my God, this exists in the world. And at that point, I was like, maybe I can do that. But for other people, and the rest was history.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. Amazing. I love it. And all just like, well, I don’t want to say it all fell into place. But you worked really hard. Like you put yourself out there you like pitched yourself and everything else. You You mentioned, like just being a bit self conscious, like, and still kind of struggling with that, like what helps what helps you like in those moments when you’re doing photo shoots? Like, what? Where’s where’s that confidence coming from?

Leah:
Yeah, so it’s kind of for a couple of places. So I think I get the most self conscious, like if I’m on set with people who are smaller than me, because a lot of times when you’re on set, like people don’t know this, but when you’re on set with other professional models, they’re a little Catty, and they kind of look at you like you don’t deserve to be there. Right. So I’m usually the shortest, the fattest, the darkest and the most hijabi model on set 99% of the time. And so I already feel out a place because I don’t look like the other girls, right. And so that is a really lessens your self esteem. So, but I’m also very competitive. I’m very competitive and I love to show I love Do things that people don’t think I can do. And I like to go above and beyond, I’m a little bit of a perfectionist. So when I’m on set, I’m like you need to find a person and emulate them that you respect and that you know, constantly shows out and shows through. So drag queens, and pop stars. So I pick drag queens like Groupon, or any drag queen, honestly, they’re all fabulous. Share Rihanna. Yeah, share me on our top tier for me, like share now or share back in the day. I don’t care what share it is. But share continuously. didn’t give a fuck about nothing. Like literally were crazy as outfits crazy as wigs would come out in this like outfits and just would wear like she like would wear the hell out of them. And so I was trying to embody like what was shared look like, you know, how was she moved? You know? How would a drag queen move? How would they look like you know, are their shoulders slumped? Or are they straight back? Like, is it a is it a smolder? Is it you know, like, what would they do in this situation? And honey, fake it till you make it. And then slowly but surely you start to become cher, you start to become a drag queen. And so and I’m happy with tell me like on set like you’re giving like flamboyant gay. I’m like, thank you so much. That is exactly what I’m trying to give you right now. And so yeah, this slowly, slowly but surely becomes Leah V. But Leah V is pulling inspiration from other people who she thinks is iconic. And yeah, you work at it. And then you tell yourself that I’m a fucking icon. And then you become an icon.

Summer:
Yeah, yeah. It’s embodiment. That’s actually like, yeah, you’re just like taking the energy, the embodiment and bringing it in. And I mean, it shows up like your images, like exude power and confidence. So you can tell that whatever you’re doing is working really well.

So you recently crashed New York Fashion Week? What’s your take on like, what happened there this year versus previous? I mean, was it was it worse this year than previous years in terms of representation? Or like, what’s the what’s the situation?

Leah:
Yeah, so last year was absolutely horrendous. Yeah, like, like, and there’s articles out there that you can like, see for yourself, because people don’t people don’t like to believe big mouth sometimes. Like, Ah, she’s just talking. But literally everything I say, like you can go and research it. And, you know, there’s truth and statistics of the things that I say. And so last year, the year before that were horrendous. And there are a lot of articles saying that, you know, we’re all the plus size models, like we’re all the people in wheelchairs, like, we’re all the people like, you know, who use devices or have heard of Lego like, you know, like, are we just only doing like, you know, almond mom type stuff.

And so, this year, I feel like because New York fashion we get clowned so hard to last like two years, I feel like this year is they definitely had some super Plus models. So models and wheelchairs as models, you’re using devices. And so I was like okay, so I guess they saw how they’re getting clowned in just canceled last year that they’re like, Okay, let’s add some fatties to the list, which is really sad that we have to be tokens, because a lot of times plus size models and models that like me are tokenized, unfortunately, but at the same time, it’s just like, I want to make this normal. It shouldn’t be we have to cancel you or threaten to cancel you free to be like, oh, yeah, a size 22 model does exist, let’s put it on the runway, like, you know, you should have to be threatened to be inclusive. And so although I do think a lot of these companies are probably being performative. They employ people who look like me, and so I have to give them credit for that. And I hope that, you know, this is a stepping stone. So next year, it’d be sort of 10 It’d be 20. And the next year, it’ll be 2040. You know, and I hope that is a continuous rise of just normalizing bodies that look like mine. Yeah, like, you know, and other people’s bodies who don’t look like mine, um, who are still marginalized. Yeah, because there’s so many different types. And so I think I’ll give them a little bit of credit. I still boycotted it, because for the most part, it’s still white and thin. But I do see I saw a couple a couple shows be inclusive. Yeah, I think I saw one real on Instagram where and I can’t remember who it was, but she was talking about how it was like point 6% of the models were over like a size 16 You know, and it’s like point 6% versus like two thirds of the US population is oversized 16. So we got a long way to go. Yes. And I’ll keep on screaming into the void if necessary, because nobody wants to have a conversation about it. People want to be like, you know, as long as I’m invited and I can sit next to Kim K, then I’m okay. Right. And then the activism goes out the window. And it’s just like no, there are people below you, the side of you behind you that still needs to be boosted up. And a lot of us need to understand privilege because I even have privileged I tell people that all the time I have bodies type body size privilege. I’m curvy, I have a smaller waist a bigger bottom half, you know, I don’t have like a really large stomach. So there’s body privilege, versus a person who is Apple shaped right and has small hips or no butt, or you know, big chest and stomach. There’s color privilege, I have color privileges over somebody who has darker skin. So it is my responsibility to pull those people up to help to spread the word to screen. And so we all have to understand we all we all have a role, and we all have privilege in some way.

Summer:
Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Well, the last thing I want to talk to you about is just your experiences dating, like, a lot of my clients struggle with dating wealth, but while being fat, like dating in general, what’s it like out there on the dating scene for you?

Leah:
It’s a little crusty. So it’s funny actually went on the last minute coffee date today. With a tennis he’s a tennis instructor. So I was like, this is cool. That’s like, you know, like tennis, you know, like nice arms and such. But we had a good day. And I was shocked. get last minute, I’ll he’s like, I’m in your area. I’m like, Okay, well, let’s do it. Have a podcast. But let’s, let’s wrap this up. So it was actually really nice. But sometimes I find that dating while fat, I get hyper sexualized, or over sexualized because of my size. A lot of them don’t want to take me on on real dates, because they are embarrassed to be seen the fat person. So they’ll want you to come to their house or do things like super late at night, or come to your house. And I’m like hon, Google me. Absolutely not. Okay, so if you’re too scared to be seen with a fat person, then I’m not the best for you. So we have to go with these conversations. And then you have the ones when they get upset with you. They want to call you names. I had this one, ask him a simple question. And he was just like, got mad at me and was like, Yeah, you must really like to eat at Wingstop. And I’m like, Okay, first of all, Wingstop is disgusting. And I would never eat out Wingstop. But I do like wings. So thank you for acknowledging that. So it’s, it’s definitely interesting being fat and dating, and I get a couple of different things. But the advice I give to people who are fat in dating is to never is to not really settle. If you have boundaries, then keep those boundaries. Don’t let anyone kind of like, make you feel bad for having boundaries. Because people will be like, Oh, well, you think you’re this and that, and this is what you deserve? Because you’re fat. And it’s like, Absolutely not. Now, will we get as many suitors as a thin person? Probably not. That’s just not how the world works. But you can look at quality. And that’s what I look at when I’m dating. I’m not going to have dates on dates on dates, like my friend or friends. It’s not going to happen. But the people that I do that I always ask them, What are your intentions, make sure that we go out, make sure he cheats me nice doesn’t call me fat phobic names. Because once you do that you are done. And so I have standards who I’m dating. And I think that that’s led to me having a lot more favorable dates than ones that are not so favorable. That’s awesome. I love it. Yeah. Like I always tell people instead of thinking like, Am I good enough for them? Like, are they good enough for me like and I feel like that’s kind of what you’re alluding to there. And also that you have to like, understand your competence as well because people can smell when someone’s not confident. So when you do go on a date, make sure you’re filling your best looking your best and presenting yourself in the best way possible. Because if you they said any type of weakness or not having confidence that gives them the ammo to mess with you and to say crazy things to you and beat you down. And they know that Oh, I can say this to this person because they’re not going to have a comeback, right? And so it’s just best to go into work meetings, friends, new friendships dating with I m that shit. I am great. I look lovely. And whether this goes good or bad. I’m steal that girl. That’s it.

Summer:
I love it. I love it. Okay, I know your book on ashamed musings of a fat black lism is available everywhere. It’s fantastic memoir, but you also write sci fi.

Leah:
I do very random, like,

Summer:
but it’s not because you talk about like creating these, like fantasies and worlds to kind of escape when you were young. So it actually makes a lot of sense when you read your memoir. But can you just talk about that quickly? Like what’s your book called there? Because I didn’t write the name down. So I apologize.

Leah:
Yeah, so it’s a it’s a duology, which is a two part series. It’s sci fi, not heavy sci fi. So it’s very digestible. For people who are not like sci fi fans. It is sexy and gritty and raw. It’s futuristic. The first one is called the union, which was out last year and the second installment comes out on November 7, called the descent. So it’s really good and I’m getting some good reviews on it from some publications. So I’m excited to have my little sci fi novels out.

Summer:
Yeah, I love it. You do so many things. It’s like, it’s like, yeah, it’s very unexpected, but at the same time, like you read your book and you’re like, Okay, no, like, that’s like you have this like very creative, like, you know, imagination from thank you that clearly came through when you were a kid. Okay, so Leah V, where can people find more of you?

Leah:
Okay, well, because I’m elderly. I would say

Summer:
I’m, I’m older than you. So I’m very elderly, but yes.

Leah:
I have a mature soul so and I’ve lived a lot of life. So you know, I feel like I’m older than I am. But yeah, have a website. The kids don’t have that they have the TIC TOCs. Now, but yes, I have a website. That’s Lea vernon.com on there. You can go to my podcast T with Li ve you can find me on Instagram at L Vernon 2000. And I do have a little tick tock as well. I don’t I’m not really on there like that. But I just shitpost so on tick tock. But yes, that’s how you can find Leah V.

Summer:
Awesome. It was so great to have you here. Always a big fan. I’ve been a big fan of yours for a few years. So so great to actually connect with you and have a conversation. Thanks for being here.

Leah:
Thank you
Summer:
Rock on.

All right, go get yourself a copy of unashamed musings of a fat black Muslim, and you can find links to that in the show notes at summer innanen.com forward slash 281. Hope you enjoy this interview as much as I did. I will talk to you next time. Thanks for being here. Rock on.

I’m Summer Innanen. And I want to thank you for listening today. You can follow me on Instagram and Facebook at summer Innanen. And if you haven’t yet, go to Apple podcasts search eat the rules and subscribe rate and review this show. I would be so grateful. Until next time, rock on.