Body love, self-love, self-worth—however you decide to label it—is not to be confused with being happy.

I want to be clear on this because if you want to be happy all the time, then don’t sign up for You, On Fire.

It’s not about being happy because that implies a perfectly glorious state of existence and you and I both know that is bullshit. It’s what the magazines and diets try to sell us—with the instant gratification of perfect abs, sex positions, super foods and Mariah’s fav home décor—and if you’re like me, you’re done with buying in to that fantasy.

Some of the most radical and gratifying moments of self-love in my life have felt the worst.

Breaking off a relationship because I was not being treated with respect. Not getting support from someone really important in my life because I did what I wanted to do (and not what they wanted me to do). Being criticized publicly because I decided to speak my mind. Putting a big investment into something for myself that carried a huge amount of risk and no Plan B.

Some of my biggest self-loving moments have been when I’m scared shitless, pulling my hair out and doubting myself like crazy because OMG WHAT IF I FAIL AND EVERYONE HATES ME AND I END UP BROKE, ALONE AND MISERABLE AND WILL THEY EVEN HIRE ME AT DENNY’S BECAUSE I HAVE ZERO EXPERIENCE EXCEPT A PASSION FOR PANCAKES????*

The act of “self-love” in these moments was not about chasing happiness or instant gratification—I have my pug-child and anything made with peanut butter to do that for me (not like that you freak-show!).

The act of “self-love” in these moments was about honoring and respecting my worth and my needs and being OK with myself regardless of the outcome.

And you know what I learned having gone through these moments? I’d much rather experience the pain of failing and rejection than carry around the emotional burden of regret. I’d much cry in the fetal position on the floor knowing I took the leap than let fear and people pleasing run the show. I’d much rather feel alive in whatever form that takes.

“Loving your body”—what I like to call, being your badass self—means taking charge of your life and having the ladyballs to say I’M DONE with the status quo hamster wheel and I want more for myself…even if that’s scary as hell.

It means you wake the fuck up to what’s not working for you anymore and sometimes that feels happy and awesome and sometimes it does not.

As my friend Vivienne said so perfectly in my podcast with her, “there was no self-love party” like I thought there would be when I learned to love myself.

I can’t make you happy all the time. But, I can help step you in to the badass woman I know you are and push you to make those audacious changes you’ve dreaming about. And I can certainly help the process feel more like a party because that’s just how we roll when we work together.

To find out when the next cycle of You, On Fire will start, go here>>

*this sums up exactly how I’m feeling by posting this