Tell me if this sounds familiar: You’re going about your day and things are feeling pretty good, then you see a reflection of yourself and it feels like a wave of negativity and panic has flooded your system.

You don’t like the way you look.

I know exactly how this feels and it can be the worst feeling. I also know how badly you wish you could like the way you look and there is nothing wrong with wanting that.

Diet culture, the beauty industry, Hollywood etc, have told us that our likeability is dependent on being attractive, so it’s not your fault that you want that for yourself. But, I’m going to encourage you to take a different approach to things:

Rather than trying to “like” the way you look, I encourage you to start by accepting that you don’t like it.

It’s OK to not like your body—making peace with this is the first step towards getting to a more positive frame-of-mind.

It’s about surrendering to the fact that you don’t like it right now, but are willing to learn to feel more comfortable with it. It’s about acknowledging that you perhaps feel “meh” or “gah!” about parts of your appearance, but not letting that stop you from doing the things you want to do. This is the first stage of body acceptance.

When our appearance has defined our worth, we internalize dislike of our body as there being something wrong with us. The way to feel better is not by trying to “like your body,” rather it’s by building up a solid sense of self, so your appearance is something you don’t really think about anymore.

Self-worth doesn’t come from “liking your body.” But, it becomes easier to like the way you look when you feel good about yourself.

Get to know the woman beyond the mirror and start living your life to the fullest despite what your reflection says.

You don’t need to find yourself attractive or like the way you look to stop hating your body. Rather, focus on making appearance less of a big deal and the hating your body feelings will start to disappear.

This stuff takes time, but I know you can do it… you just need to believe that too. The world needs your badassery, in whatever shape it comes in.